Bartrès and Bernadette

Bartres is a commune in the department of Hautes-Pyrenees in southwestern France. Located about three kilometers from Lourdes, it is a small village with 519 inhabitants (as of 1st January 2016). Bartres is well-known to Catholic pilgrims because this place is associated with the life of St. Bernadette Soubirous who lived for two specific periods of her life. Her first stay in Bartres was about sixteen months, from November 1844 to April 1, 1846. When Bernadette was 10 months old, she was sent there to be fostered by Marie Lagues, a friend of Louise Casterot, Bernadette's mother who could not breastfeed her due to an accident with a candle which burnt her breast. Marie Lagues had just lost her 13-day-old baby and offered to be Bernadette's wet nurse. Bernadette was sent to Bartres by Bernade Casterot, her aunt and godmother. 

Bernadette returned to Bartres in September 1857 when she was 13 to help her former wet nurse, Marie Lague, who needed someone to look after her two-year-old Jean and tend the flock. Bernadette's father, Francois, was without a permanent job with a wife and four children to feed. The Soubirous family was reduced to the direst poverty and had to take shelter in the Cachot (which was formerly a prison cell) where hunger was a daily reality.

Life in Bartres was unremittingly harsh as Bernadette had to do everything, from a shepherdess to maid in the Burg House as well as taking care of little Jean. Marie Lagues was not only very strict but also extremely frugal. Meat was a special occasion food and she only got the chance to taste it at Easter, Christmas and a few other festive days. As for the rest of the time, she had to be contented with maize porridge even though she did not like it.

Bernadette still could not read or write and Marie Lagues tried to teach her the Catechism in the evenings in order to prepare her for Holy Communion. However, she found it very difficult due to the lack of time and her limited learning abilities. She once said to the parish priest in Bartres that it was easier to put the Catechism book in her head than learning Catechism. One day, while tending the flock, she met a friend from Lourdes to whom she entrusted this message" "Tell my parents that I'm tired of being in Bartres. I want to return to Lourdes."

Hardship, loneliness, homesickness, and the wish to prepare herself for Holy Communion induced Bernadette to return to her family in Lourdes on 21 January 1858, to their dwelling place in the Cachot. Cramped in the dark, damp, narrow and smelly dungeon with her family, her life was plagued with extreme poverty. However, on 11 February 1858, Our Lady first appeared to her at the Grotto of Massabielle and the rest was history.

PLACES TO VISIT IN BARTRES

• The sheepfold or shepherd's hut belonged to Marie Lagues where Bernadette looked after the sheep. It has been preserved in its original condition.
• Burg House (the wet nurse's house) which is located in the village itself and in this beautiful farmhouse Bernadette had lived, worked and suffered. This building has been significantly modernized, having been restored after a fire. Only the ground floor kitchen remains intact. 
• The Church of St. John the Baptist which dates back to the end of  the 14th century and is dedicated to St. John the Baptist. Bernadette used to pray and attend mass there. It has a single nave. Behind the altar which dates from the 17th Century is a triptych depicting three main events in the life of St. John the Baptist, namely the baptism of Jesus, the visitation, and the martyrdom of the baptist.
• The wet-nurse's tomb in the churchyard, to the right of the entrance.

Bartres is a wonderful place to visit because of its simplicity and peacefulness. It has an atmosphere filled with memories and emotions which reminds us of Bernadette, the humble and poor shepherdess of Bartres, who was once alive and walking around the streets in Bartres surrounded by greenery and an abundance of nature.


References:
1.  Lourdes by Antonio Bernardo. Doucet Publications.
2.  Bernadette Recounts Her Apparitions by Antonio Bernardo. Doucet Publications.

Lourdes by Antonio Bernardo is a very interesting book that gives a detailed account of Lourdes and the life of Bernadette.

 Bernadette Recounts Her Apparitions by Antonio Bernardo is one of the most authentic and vivid account of the apparitions in Lourdes by Bernadette herself.

How Abraham Lincoln Inspired Me to Pursue My Ph.D.?

Abraham Lincoln has always been one of my most venerated heroes since my school days and I always keep a photo of him on my study table to remind myself to study hard like him. Americans venerate him as their most beloved President but I venerate him because he is one of my greatest sources of inspiration and motivation throughout my educational journey. This was especially true during those days when I failed to secure a place in a public university and my mom was dying of cancer (It should be noted that during those days, if you were rejected by the public universities and had no money to study overseas, you would be considered as 'no good'). Those were really hard times and I had no choice but to work as a temporary teacher in order to fund my education. Being influenced by Abraham Lincoln, I decided to take up University of London's external LL.B. Program with the intention to continue with the LL.M. followed by the LL.D.. At that time, my ambition was to be a law lecturer in a public university since I love teaching and research. Life was tough as I had to work and study at the same time and there was little or almost no time for enjoyment. Further, my mom was very sick and needed attention. My relatives and friends suggested that I should take the easy way out - enter Teachers' Training College, become a primary school teacher (during those days primary school teachers only had a diploma in teaching and were underpaid), get married and live happily ever after. Life could be as simple as that - if I could give up the whole idea about tertiary education then I would have no problems at all. However, I preferred the hard way out because I did not want to live a mediocre life. Although I knew that it was not easy to pass the LL.B. Examinations, I decided to give it a try because of what Lincoln said, "If you are resolutely determined to make a lawyer of yourself, the thing is more than half done already... Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other thing." How did I know that he said this?

Thanks to Dale Carnegie's How to Develop Self-Confidence and Influence People by Public Speaking, I got to know a lot about Abraham Lincoln's life and developed a very strong desire to emulate him since my student days. I did not read this book to learn about public speaking - I was just reading the book for fun when I came across so much information about this ambitious, hardworking, studious, self-taught and self-made young man. This book has since become one of my greatest sources of inspiration because I could find the life of Lincoln in it. I have read it countless times in my life whenever I was feeling down and felt like giving up with my studies. When the chance to enter university was gone, the only thing I could do was to hang on to the great inspirational life story of Abraham Lincoln in the hope that one day I would be able to get the Ph.D. that I have been dreaming of.

What then was so special about Abraham Lincoln? The story of his perseverance and determination to educate himself despite his turbulent childhood and difficult background was really inspiring. Lincoln, in his youth, attended school in a primitive log cabin. Known as the "blab school", there was only one copy of the textbook and the teacher read from it aloud. The children were required to repeat the lesson after him, all of them talking together at once thus keeping the classroom in constant uproar. Despite the enormous obstacles facing him, he was not deterred from seeking education. While other boys were busy hooking watermelons and wasting time, Lincoln was busy reading, thinking and reflecting. His stepmother remembered that "he must understand everything - even to the smallest thing - minutely and exactly. He would then repeat it over to himself again and again - sometimes in one form and then in another and when it was fixed in his mind to suit him he... never lost that fact or his understanding of it (Donald, p. 29)."

Throughout his entire life, he had only attended school less than twelve months because he had to work to supplement his family's income. And who taught him? Zachariah Birney and Caleb Hazel in the forests of Kentucky, Azel Dorsey and Andrew Crawford along Little Pigeon Creek in Indiana - scarcely educated teachers who traveled from one place to another, eking out a meager existence, teaching those who could afford to pay in cash or in commodities. No qualification was required of them beyond the Rules of three, namely, readin, writin, and cipherin. No doubt, there was little assistance and inspiration that Lincoln could get from his transient and untrained teachers as well as his daily environment. Although his intermittent formal schooling ended when he was fifteen, that did not prevent him from acquiring education. Lincoln was a voracious reader who read all the books he could lay his hands on and had walked  to borrow every book within fifty miles of his home. He worked on his father's farm in the day and spent his nights reading by the light of the fireplace. He also had the habit of carrying a book with him to the farm and read whenever he had the time. In the words of Professor Emerton, "He was no longer at school, but was simply educating himself by the only pedagogical method which ever yet produced any results anywhere, namely, by the method of his own tireless energy in continuous study and practice (Carnegie, p. 237)."

And who were Abraham Lincoln's parents? His father was a shiftless, illiterate carpenter and his mother was a woman of no extraordinary achievements. Growing up in abject poverty, Lincoln's teen years were spent in constant toil as he had to earn money through hard labor. When he was seventeen, he together with Dennis Hanks and Squire Hall, set themselves up as sawyers, selling firewood to steamboats plying the Ohio River. When their plan failed, he built a little flatboat to ferry passengers to passing boats. When he was not working on the river, he plowed, butchered hogs and made fences. In 1828, at the age of 19, Lincoln took his first trip down the Mississippi when he accompanied a local store owner's son to send a cargo of meat and grain for sale in New Orleans on the flatboat. His wage was $8 a month and board.

A painting of the young Lincoln by Norman Rockwell

Lincoln once told John Locke Scripps of the Chicago Tribune that the story of his early life could be condensed into one sentence in Thomas Gray's famous Elegy: "The short and simple annals of the poor." Learning by littles (a week here, a month there), he has always considered his education to be "defective".  However, despite the defects in his education, his Gettysburg Address is known to be the greatest speech in the world. Needless to say, his love of learning, his determination to improve his mind, and his stunning work of self-education had brought him success. What lessons have I learnt from the story of Lincoln's life? This motivational story had inspired me to study even harder and follow my dreams. I deeply admired him and fervently wanted to emulate his way - never give up in the face of adversity until the goal is reached.

Reading about Lincoln's life greatly inspired me because I was more or less in the same situation as him (humble origins, read a lot, worked and studied hard at the same time). He was my perfect idol at the time I needed some encouragement to keep going and it was in him that I found the impetus to succeed despite the obstacles in my life. Although I had to give up my law studies and entered Teachers' Training College after my mom passed away (because I needed money to survive), I have never given up studying (part time) until I have completed my Ph.D. program. After leaving the Teachers' Training College, I immediately continued my studies in law. I was already doing my final year when I was offered a place at UPM (Universiti Putra Malaysia) to do a bachelor degree in TESL. Being super ambitious, I decided to kill two birds with one stone but the problem was that working and taking up two university courses at the same left me with very little time for myself. I was so busy that I had no time to eat. In the end, I decided to give up my law studies because my ultimate purpose was to pursue a Ph.D. and it did not matter which course I was doing. I started my MA program right after my Bachelors graduation. After having completed my MA in English literature, there was a time when I wondered whether I should proceed with the Ph.D. program because this would mean that I would not have any time for myself at all and I did not want to suffer again like what I did during my MA program. Since I came back from Medjugorje, I have been taking part in Medjugorje's Evening Prayer Programme online every night. Further, the thought of having no enjoyment apart from working and studying was not a pleasant one. But thoughts of Lincoln made me put aside everything to focus on my Ph.D. because he was a constant reminder that I should make my dream a reality no matter how difficult life might turn out to be. Yes, I have always wanted a Ph.D. and it must be done.

When I was doing my Ph.D. program, a sudden and unexpected change took place in my life. I became a lecturer in an institution of higher learning in Pahang. Life was tough as I had to start afresh in another state with a different job and waste a lot of time traveling to and from Kuala Lumpur every weekend. What made matters worse was, at that time, there was no water supply most of the time in my quarters - I had to wake up a few times every night to check if the water supply had been temporarily restored and collect as much water as I could. The water supply normally lasted from 2.00 or 3.00 a.m. until 5.00 or 6.00 a.m. Sometimes, the water supply was only restored for a short while and if I were to oversleep, I wouldn't be able to collect any water at all. Sometimes there was no water for 2-3 days. There were times when there was not even a drop of water for more than ten days (the longest was 2 weeks). As I had to wake up several times in the wee hours of the morning to collect water, I ended up not having enough sleep. I also had to take my clothes back to Kuala Lumpur to wash every weekend.

Being a lecturer in Pahang was indeed challenging. I had very little time to write my Ph.D. thesis - I worked from 8.00 a.m. to 5.00 p.m. from Mondays to Fridays and had to travel to and from Kuala Lumpur during the weekends. When I was a teacher, I only worked half day and so I had to try to get used to the longer working hours of a lecturer. I also had to spend a lot of time preparing for my lessons because I was teaching the subjects that I have never taught before. Replacement classes were common and sometimes I had to teach until 10.00 p.m. Going back to my quarters after a hard day's work only to find that there was no water really made me feel like crying. It was what I have read about Abraham Lincoln that gave me the courage and strength to keep going. If he did not give up, why should I? Well, the greatest courage is to smile through tears.

According to Theodore Roosevelt, "Often when I had some matter to decide, something involved and difficult to dispose of, something where there were conflicting rights and interests, I would look up at Lincoln, try to imagine him in my place, try to figure out what he would do in the same circumstances. It may sound odd to you, but, frankly, it seemed to make my troubles easier of solution (Carnegie, p. 102)." Similarly, whenever I felt discouraged or felt like giving up the fight, I asked myself what Lincoln would do if he were in my position and I knew that I have found the answer. I said to myself, "I don't have to carry an ax and I don't have to work on a river - I'm only doing sedentary work. There is proper lighting in my quarters and I have a proper bed - I'm certainly in a much more favorable situation compared to Abraham Lincoln's younger days, so what's the problem? And time, it can be made." And I persevered knowing that those hard times would come to pass.

Working everlastingly and persistently, at last I managed to complete my Ph.D. thesis after about 4 years of part time study. (I enrolled for my Ph.D. program in February 2012 and submitted my thesis in July 2016). As I look back on my life, all I can say is, "Well, the tears shed and inconvenience suffered during my educational journey are what we call life. They have already come to pass. Whether I have been doing anything or not, the time will pass anyway, so why not suffer a bit and get the Ph.D. first? It's well worth it." I am now free to join the Medjugorje Evening Prayer Programme online every night and need not worry about having no time for enjoyment anymore! 

Here I would like to quote a verse from the poem entitled 'Good Timber' by Douglas Malloch:

Good timber does not grow with ease:
The stronger wind, the stronger trees;
The further sky, the greater length;
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow.

How right he is. I find that I am a much stronger person now because I have survived the hard times. The lesson here is - if you keep moving towards your dreams, you will eventually get to the finish line.

You may also like to read Footprints in the Sand, Salutation to the Dawn, and How to Leave the Past Behind You and Move Forward. To view the content page of this blog, please click here.


References:
1.  Carnegie, Dale. How to Develop Self-Confidence and Influence People by Public Speaking.
2.  Abraham Lincoln: An Illustrated History of His Life and Times. Time Inc.
3.  Donald, David Herbert. (1995). Lincoln. New York: Simon & Schuster Paperbacks.
4.  Blumenthal, Sidney. (2016). A Self-Made Man: The Political Life of Abraham Lincoln 1809-1849. New York: Simon & Schuster Paperbacks.

DREAMS AND DREAMING: MESSAGES FROM YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS

Everyone dreams - even animals and birds have dreams. Some people can recall the details of their dreams vividly whilst others can only remember their dreams in sketchy details. And of course there are those who claim that they have never dreamed at all. The truth is we spend one third of our lives sleeping and two to three hours per night dreaming. This would mean that by the time we reach 75, we have slept for 25 years and dreamed for around 10 years. Dream analysts believe that dreams are messages from our unconscious minds that are intended to provide clues to help us understand ourselves better. They are a reflection of our thoughts and take us to places where the impossible is made possible, where our deepest fears and desires are revealed. They also provide solutions to help us overcome our problems. Thus we can still be quite productive whilst we are sleeping!

The earliest examples of dream interpretation can be found in the Bible. The most popular Biblical dream is Pharaoh's dream which can be found in Genesis 41:1-26. In his dream, Pharaoh saw himself standing by the Nile, when up out of the Nile came seven cows, handsome and fat; they grazed in the reed grass. Behind them seven other cows, ugly and gaunt, came up out of the Nile; and standing on the bank of the Nile beside the others, the ugly, gaunt cows ate up the seven handsome, fat cows. Then Pharaoh woke up but fell asleep again and had another dream. He saw seven ears of grain, fat and healthy, growing on a single stalk. Behind them sprouted seven ears of grain, thin and blasted by the east wind; and the seven thin ears swallowed up the seven fat, healthy ears. Then Pharaoh woke up and had Joseph summoned to interpret his dreams for him. According to Joseph, "Both of Pharaoh's dreams have the same meaning. The seven healthy cows are seven years, and the seven healthy ears are seven years - the same in each dream. So also, the seven thin, ugly cows that came after them are seven years, as are the seven thin, wind-blasted ears; they are seven years of famine. Seven years of great abundance are now coming throughout the land of Egypt; but these will be followed by seven years of famine, when all the abundance in the land of Egypt will be forgotten." Needless to say, Joseph's interpretation of these dreams had a great impact not only on the land of Egypt but also on the future of dream science, research, and interpretation.

Sigmund Freud (1856-1939), also known as the 'father' of psycho-analysis, believed that dream analysis was a powerful tool in discovering our hidden thoughts and desires. His work therefore focused on the causes of dreams. For him our conscious minds are disgusted by our hidden desires and they repress these urges because the social constraints we live with make it impossible to satisfy all human urges. According to him, "the purpose of dreams is to allow us to satisfy in fantasies the instinctual urges that society judges unacceptable." He recognized the importance of symbols in dreams, arguing that they always have hidden meaning which can only become clear through dream work. To understand dream symbols, Freud developed a technique known as 'free association' in which the dreamer describes thoughts and feelings as they come to mind.

While Freud was interested in the causes of dreams, his student, Carl Jung, was interested in the purpose of dreams. Carl Jung (1875-1961), was a psychotherapist, a philosopher and mythology scholar. He believed that dreams compensate for what we lack during our waking life and the neglected aspects of the personal unconscious would appear in our dreams. He also believed in the 'collective unconscious' - archetypal images shared by people all around the world, regardless of their religions and cultures. For him telepathy and precognition were possible through dreams because dreams connect the dreamer with the collective unconscious. Jung's theory is prospective - he was of the opinion that dreams can give us hints of what the future holds.

Throughout the history of mankind, there have been countless numbers of dreams that have predicted future events with great accuracy. Among some of the more famous prophetic dreams in history were the assassination of President Kennedy, the assassination of President Lincoln, the sinking of the Titanic, and the dream visions of Joan of Arc. It was said that several people had predicted President Kennedy's assassination a few days before it happened. President Lincoln even dreamed of his own corpse laid out in a room in the White House. Prior to the sinking of the Titanic, several passengers cancelled their trip at the last minute after having dreamed that it sank. And of course the dream visions of Joan of Arc created history when God instructed her to save France from the English.

The amazing power of the mind to generate information from increasingly deeper levels of awareness can be harnessed. There have been many great examples of scientific discoveries that were made in dreams. For instance, Albert Einstein's dream of a sledge which traveled at the speed of light has led to the Theory of Relativity. Frederich Kekule, who was totally unable to characterize and define the structure of benzene, discovered the molecular formula of the benzene ring after dreaming of the snake that eats its own tail. By thinking about a problem and mulling it over just prior to sleep, one can therefore 'dream out' the answer. This can happen spontaneously or over a period of time.

Experience has taught me that dreams can foretell the future and provide answers to our many questions about life. Many years ago when I was still a temporary teacher and part time law student, my mom died of cancer. After her death, I suddenly felt worried and insecure because I did not have a permanent job. Although it was never my intention to become a teacher, I knew that if I wanted to get the Ph.D. that I have always been yearning for, I had to get a permanent job so that I could fund my education. That was when I applied for a place at the Teachers' Training College. No doubt, competition was great because of the recession and I was worried sick. One night, after praying, I went to sleep and in my dream, I saw myself in a Teachers' Training College but I had no idea where it was because I had never seen it before in real life. At that instant, I knew that my prayers were answered! One month after that, I received my acceptance letter from the Teachers' Training College in Ipoh. When I went to that college for registration and saw it for the first time, my heart was filled with praises for Jesus and the Blessed Virgin Mary because it was exactly the same one I saw in my dream.

In this article, I would like to provide some interpretations for religious imagery in dreams. I hope that my readers would find these interpretations useful to them. Those who are interested in reading more about dreams can refer to my reference list below as these books can provide a lot of useful information about this topic.

Abbey - To dream of an abbey means peace of mind, consolation for the soul, freedom from anxiety and stress. It symbolizes a place of sanctuary where guidance can be sought and a peaceful and positive resolution to your problems can be achieved. An abbey is propitious to the dreamer if seen in the sunlight. In darkness, it foreshadows sadness and failure.

Adam & Eve - Dreaming of the Biblical parents in the Garden of Eden is a bad omen. It tells that catastrophes and troubles may be inevitable, including operations and family difficulties.

Altar - The dream is propitious as long as it is one in which reverence is shown. Dreaming of praying in front of an altar is a sign of release from pressing worries.

Altar Boy - To dream of an altar boy performing his duties in the chancel of a Church indicates good news from an unexpected source.

Angels - Angels, described as 'messenger' from a divine source, are a good omen. They represent goodness, protection, and divine grace. Dreaming of angels is one of the most positive dream experiences we can have. These celestial messengers may appear in many forms, but they always suggest transcendence and the opening up of communication. For Freud, a female angel would symbolize womanly perfection. Jung believed that angels were intermediaries between the lower and higher aspects of the self. He also believed in the paranormal - that the angel could be a visitor from the divine!

Apostle - If an apostle speaks to you in a dream, pay attention to the details of the spiritual message as he may be trying to tell you that some areas of your spiritual life needs to be attended to. To dream of an apostle is also an indication that the dreamer needs spiritual guidance and something to believe in.

Archbishop -  To dream of being in the company of an archbishop could mean that you are holding onto the religious beliefs of your early years. The meaning of your dream would be determined by your personal attitude of how the role of the archbishop was presented to you during your childhood days.

Bible - The Bible in dreams usually indicates some kind of spiritual realization.

Christ - Dreaming of Christ augurs peace of mind and contentment.

Dreaming of Christmas

Christmas - To dream of Christmas suggests advancement and prosperity. It is a forerunner of satisfaction and repose if you dream of happiness among children during this holy season.

Church -  The church is a place of refuge or sanctuary from one's problems. It helps us to assess the state of the spiritual aspects of our lives.

Convent - As a symbol of seclusion, the convent symbolizes seclusion, retirement form the world, and from the conflicts of sexuality and emotions. If the dream is a happy one, it represents your desire for rest and recuperation from emotional struggles or conflict. If it is an unhappy one, it is a sign of your fear that life and pleasure are passing you by, probably because you are too focused on your job or vocation.

Crucifix - The crucifix is a symbol of protection (the need to protect yourself from others) but it may also be an indication that you are being burdened by the problems of others.

The crucifixion of Jesus

Crucifixion - Crucifixion images in a dream link with the human being's need to sacrifice himself through passion and through pain.

Devil - In dreams, the devil is a manifestation of everything that the dreamer considers to be bad or evil. He may be symbolic of misfortune or illness. A devil represents temptation which often arises from the repressed sexual drives which demand attention.

God - Dreaming of God is a symbol that we acknowledge the divine - that there is a power greater than ours. He represents a comforting image of an authority figure who can take charge and protect us. Alternatively, this dream may also suggest that you have to learn to be responsible for your own actions.

Halo - Dreaming of someone with a halo suggests feelings of serenity, protection and purity. However, if you see yourself wearing a halo in your dream, it could be an indication that you feel pressured into a role that isn't allowing you self-expression.

Heaven -  A dream of heaven may signify a temporary wish to retreat from the realities of life as it gives us consolation and pleasure particularly when our waking lives are less than perfect. As an ideal image of harmony and plenitude, it can be a message to remind us not to give up on our goals and to try to achieve them.

Hell -  When you dream of hell, it is likely that your life has already hit rock bottom and could be about to change for the better.

Holy Communion - A desire for transformation to take place in some parts of your life. May also symbolize sadness at someone's absence.

Hymn - Hearing or singing hymns in your dream may indicate your desire for spiritual growth. It may also be a sign of your desire to be praised, admired, esteemed, and appreciated.

Judas - Judas is a symbol of betrayal as he was tempted to do something which he knew was wrong. Seeing Judas in your dream requires that you should think carefully about your own actions or motivations in relation to those around you.

Mary, the Mother of God

Mary, the Mother of God - The symbolism of Mary, both as the maiden and as the mother, is a potent one. She epitomises all that is woman, and all that is holy.

Moses - Moses often appears in dreams as the holy figure who will lead us out of difficulty.

Nun - A nun symbolizes morality and sexual restraint. Dreaming of becoming a nun indicates your wish to connect with the more idealistic side of yourself. Depending on the mood of the dream, it may also indicate feelings of frustration and restriction.

Prayer - Dreaming that you are praying suggests that you are in need of guidance on a certain issue or approval (from those in positions of authority). It may also indicate your desire to conquer uncertainty and look for solutions to a problem.

Vicar - A vicar in your dreams represents your spiritual quest or progress.


References:
1.  Inserra, Rose. (2008). The Meaning of Dreams. Hinkler Books.
2.  Ball, Pamela J. (2003). The Complete Book of Dreams & Dreaming. Arcturus Publishing Limited.
3.  Dreams: Hidden Meanings and Secrets. Tophi Books.
4.  Parker, Jennifer. (2010). Dreams & Nightmares. The Reader's Digest Association.

THE LINES OF MARRIAGE AND HOW THEY AFFECT YOUR LOVE LIFE

Figure 1: The Map of the Hand

Figure 2: The Mounts of the Hand

Palmistry, also known as the art of fortune telling, is predominantly governed by the thought of predestination. Through intense research, meditation, and intuition, the ancient seers had succeeded in decoding the symbols present on the hands so as to understand the sequence of events relating to human life. Knowing the future can therefore help us to avoid and solve future problems before they occur. Many people who are not happy with what the fortune tellers say about their future have resorted to palm surgery (changing their palm lines) in order to change their life and destiny and this kind of business is becoming more and more popular in Japan and South Korea. However, whenever it comes to palmistry, many Christians believe that it is wrong but has it ever occurred to them that even Jesus's life is predestined?

He was delivered up by the set purpose and plan of God; you even made use of pagans to crucify and kill him (Acts 2:23).

Indeed, they gathered in this very city against your holy Servant, Jesus, whom you anointed - Herod and Pontius Pilate in league with the Gentiles and the peoples of Israel. They have brought about the very things which in your powerful providence you planned long ago (Acts 4:27-28).

In my article entitled HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOUR SPOUSE IS CHEATING ON YOU?   I discussed about the Lines of Marriage and how these could help us to avoid a painful relationship. This is particularly true for those with bad marriage lines as they have to work harder to preserve their marriage. Do not take things for granted - being sexy and beautiful does not mean that your marriage would last forever. On the other hand, being fat, short, and ugly does not mean that you would not marry a good husband. Much would depend on your fate and destiny.

I could still remember that when I was 14, I had an Indian friend who was fat, short, dark skinned and not very good looking. She had an elder sister (10 years her senior) who was just the opposite of her - fair, pretty, slim, and tall. My Indian friend told me that she was in love with her brother-in-law and used to write his full name on her palm and showed me. She also liked to show me her handsome brother-in-law's passport sized photo which she kept in her wallet. Without realizing how her younger sister felt towards her handsome husband, this beautiful woman asked her husband to take her sister home on his bike after school every day. My friend always said to me that she would hold her brother-in-law tight on the bike. However, this beautiful woman probably did not believe that her sister's presence could be a threat to her marriage life. Everything was too late when ten years later, her husband divorced her to marry her younger sister. Sounds too bad to be true, right? A handsome man abandoned his beautiful wife (and their children) for a fat and not so good-looking woman. But of course this could be prevented! It is therefore very important to know what the marriage line stands for.

In this article, I would provide further details about Lines of Marriage and add a wealth of information pertaining to them. Having knowledge of what lies ahead may help to save a marriage and prevent divorce.

The line or Lines of Marriage can be found on the side of the Mount of Mercury (the mount under the fourth finger - please refer to 1, Figure 3). They may be found as very short lines on the side of the hand or they may appear as long lines rising from the side of the hand into the Mount of Mercury and in some cases going further into the hand itself. It should be noted that only the clearly formed lines relate to marriage -the short lines refer to deep affection or marriage contemplated but has never taken place (2, Figure 3).

Figure 3: The Lines of Marriage

To have a happy marriage, the lines on the Mount of Mercury should be straight and clear, without breaks or irregularities of any kind (1, Figure 3). If the Line of Marriage is found lying close to the Line of Heart, the marriage will take place early in life, about fourteen to twenty-one; at the center of the mount, about twenty-one to twenty-eight; three-quarters up the mount, twenty-eight to thirty-five; and so on. If the Line of Marriage curves or droops downwards (3, Figure 3), the person on whose hand it appears will outlive his / her partner. On the other hand, if the line turns upwards in the reverse direction, the subject is unlikely to get married (4, Figure 3).

A clear and distinct line with lots of little lines dropping from it foreshadows trouble and anxiety in the marriage brought about by ill-health and delicacy of the partner (5, Figure 3). If the line has a curve at the end with a cross or line cutting into this curve (2, Figure 4), the partner will die by accident or sudden illness. However, if the marriage line ends in a long, gradual curve into the Line of Heart, the partner will die gradually by ill-health or illness of a very long duration.

Figure 4: The Marriage Lines Denoting Marriage

If there is an "island" at the beginning of the line, the marriage will be delayed for a long time and the two people involved will be much separated at the beginning of their marriage life. If the "island" is found in the middle of the marriage line, there will be trouble and separation in the middle of the marriage life (3, Figure 4). If the "island" is found towards the end of the line, the marriage will most probably end in trouble and separation.

Figure 5: The Islands

If the marriage line forks at the end (4, Figure 4), the couple will live apart from each other but if the fork turns downwards towards the Line of Heart, a divorce is likely to take place (5, Figure 4). A more accentuated fork that turns down more into the hand is an indication that divorce may be expected particularly if one end of the fork stretches across the hand in the direction of the Mount of Mars (5, Figure 4). A fine line from the marriage line, crossing the entire palm, indicates great animosity and bitterness as the couple fight for their freedom from the marriage. Under such circumstances, there is little hope for reconciliation.

If the Line of Marriage is full of little islands or linked like the loops of a chain, the subject should be warned not to marry at any time as such a union would be filled with unhappiness and continual separations. If the line breaks into two in the center, it foreshadows a fatality or sudden break-up in an otherwise blissful marriage.

If the marriage line or an offshoot of it ascends upwards and joins with the Line of Sun, the subject will marry someone with great wealth and distinction - generally a famous person (6, Figure 4). However, if this line curves downwards and cuts the line of sun, the person whose hand it is found would lose position if he proceeds with the marriage. A fine line running parallel to the marriage line and almost touching it denotes some kind of deep affection after marriage of the person on whose hand it appears.

You may also like to read Will your husband divorce you and marry his lover?, How Long Should a Widower Wait to Remarry After the Death of His Wife?, Is Marriage Really Necessary and Important in Today's World?, THE MYSTIQUE OF LOVE AND MARRIAGE, and MARRIAGE AFTER 50: WHAT DO YOU NEED TO CONSIDER? If you are interested in superstitions, please click here to read The Mystique of Love and Marriage. To view the content page of this blog, please click here.


References:
1.  Cheiro's Book of Palmistry. New Delhi: New Light Publishers.
2.  Cheiro's Palmistry: The Book of Fate & Fortune. Delhi: Orient Paperbacks.
3.  The New American Bible. Thomas Nelson Publishers.

AN INFANT DEFIES DEATH AND REBOUNDS FROM LEUKEMIA

Miracles have always been at the heart of the Bible from literally Day One (of seven). God created the heavens and the earth. God appeared to Adam and Eve. Those were miracles. The burning bush, the water that became wine and the loaves that fed multitudes were also miracles. The healing of the sick was one of Jesus's famous miracles and this act has also been credited to other miracle workers throughout the centuries. Miracles are an enduring source of inspiration - they are evidence of the power of God, something so powerful that science cannot explain.

Do you believe in miracles? Well, I do because I have personally experienced God's miracles in my life. When I was nine years old, I wanted to get a prize on sports day and prayed so hard for it. I said to God that I wanted to win the third prize in the race and my prayers were answered. When I was eleven, I dashed across the road without looking left or right after my mom scolded me and was almost hit by a van which stopped right in front of me. Was that a miracle or merely a coincidence? If I had died that day, then I would not be writing this article now. When I was sixteen, I accidentally touched the Bunsen burner flames during my chemistry practical exam but escaped unhurt. At that moment, I was very disappointed because I knew that I didn't do well in my practical paper. I only realized what happened after I left the chemistry lab. Another miracle or coincidence?

In actual fact, miracles do happen in our lives. Please click here to read the Miracles of Medjugorje or here to read about the Miracles of Lourdes. What do these miracles tell you? If you seek the presence of God and request Him to intervene in your situation, you will see miracles happening in your life. All you need to do is to have faith in Him. As what Jesus said, "I assure you, if you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you would be able to say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible for you" (Matthew 17:20). To those with terminal illnesses, do not despair - a miraculous healing can happen any time.  In this article, I would like to share with you the real life story of an infant who defies death and rebounds from leukemia.

Photo: Ethan Stacy with his parents on The 700 Club television program in June 2011

In the year 2003, Ethan Jacob Stacy's parents were devastated when they received bad news that their two-day-old son had acute myeloid leukemia (AML), a virulent blood cancer that is rarely found in newborn babies. According to one of Ethan's physicians at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital, oncologist Melissa Rhodes, babies born with leukemia seldom survive. The best she could do was to put Ethan through rounds of chemotherapy which could be lethal for a newborn baby.

Chad and Many Stacy had a difficult decision to make as they were not sure whether they should subject their newborn baby to myriads of risks. "We came home, and I remember lying in bed and praying... God, give us an answer, " Mandy recounted on the Television Show The 700 Club. "And we both woke up the next morning, and we said, "We're not going to put him through it."

After two weeks, Ethan's parents brought him home to die. After a few days, there were tumors all over his body, including his calf, feet, and forearms. According to Dr. Rhodes, "He actually had leukemia in  his skin, in his hands, his feet, and his legs, as well as in his liver and spleen. "He was showing that he had a very advanced disease at that point." When he was three weeks old, Ethan stopped eating and showed signs that his life was coming to an end.

Even during the darkest moments of their lives, the Stacy's faith remained strong and they continued to pray. "I remember rocking him hard and singing, 'Open the eyes of my heart, Lord, I want to see you," said Mandy. "I knew that if I just focused my mind on Christ, that's the only way that I could make it through." All of a sudden, Ethan started feeding again and over the next few days, he gradually started to get better. As she sat at the kitchen table, Mandy said, "I can see God working."

As the weeks passed, Ethan's tumors disappeared and when his parents took him to Vanderbilt, his platelet count had rebounded from a low of 39,000 to 415,000. There was no medical explanation to account for his situation. "Ethan had gotten about as sick as a baby could possibly get, and then spontaneously got better," marveled Dr. Rhodes. "We did the bone marrow test, which showed no evidence of leukemia. For him to have gotten as absolutely sick as he did, and then just turn around spontaneously overnight, that's a miracle."

In June 2011, Ethan and his parents, Mandy and Chad, appeared on television and there were smiles on their face. Ethan, was by then a healthy and happy eight-year-old boy, as you can see in the photo above.


References:
1.  The Mysteries of Miracles. Time Life Books.
2.  Miracles: The Presence of God in Our Lives. Life Books.
3.  The New American Bible. New York: Thomas Nelson Publishers.

THE PASSION OF BERNADETTE

Bernadette Soubirous 

(7 January 1844 - 16 April 1879)

In April 1858, when the apparitions were still going on, the mayor of Lourdes, Mr. Lacade, offered Bernadette a decent job and accommodation. Bernadette, however, replied without hesitation that she wanted to become a nun. Bernadette's suitor, Raoul de Choisne from Tricqueville, a medical intern in Nantes, was very fond of her and wanted to marry her. However, she declined his proposal of marriage and ignored him completely because she has never thought of getting married. While the Grotto of Massabielle was flourishing with pilgrims after the apparitions, Bernadette did not take the opportunity to make a fortune out of her position as the visionary of Lourdes. Instead, she left Lourdes to enter the convent of the Sisters of Charity of Nevers and dedicated her whole life to God.

Bernadette was the oldest of nine children born to a poor miller and his wife. Five of her brothers and sisters died in infancy. The family of six lived in the Cachot, a damp and unhealthy former prison cell which belonged their cousin, Andre Sajous, who allowed them to stay there out of sympathy. Growing up in poverty, the years of malnutrition has taken a toll on Bernadette's health. At 1.40 metres (4 feet 7 inches) tall, her height was considerably below average. She contracted cholera at the age of 10 when the epidemic broke out in Lourdes and had since suffered from asthma and other illnesses. On 15 July 1860, she suffered another asthma attack and was taken to the hospice of Lourdes where she stayed until her departure for the convent of Saint Gildard in Nevers in 1866. Even though she was suffering from ill health, she continued with her studies at the hospice school and even helped out at the hospice. In March 1862, she was ill with pneumonia and by 28 April 1862, her condition had become so serious that she was given the Extreme Unction. Although she recovered after that, she had to struggle with illness all her life. From 1862 to 1866, she also spent considerable time recuperating in Cauterets, a town in south-western France surrounded by the Pyrenees mountains.

On 3 July 1866, Bernadette secretly dressed as a nun and visited the Grotto for the last time before she left her birthplace and never to return again. That day, she spent the evening with her family for the last time at Lacade Mill (Maison Paternelle de Bernadette). The next morning, her parents and two aunts, Bernarde and Basile, went to the hospice to say goodbye to her. Goodbye Lourdes, Bernadette would never come back again.

When Bernadette and her companions arrived in Nevers at 10 p.m. on 7 July 1866, Mother Marie-Therese Vauzou (the mistress of novices and later Mother Superior), was waiting for them in the parlor. Bernadette suddenly found herself in the presence of a woman who did not believe in apparitions and who would treat her harshly causing her to suffer emotionally throughout the 13 years of her life in the convent. The next day, she was made to recount her apparitions in front of the 300 nuns who lived there - that was the last time she was allowed to talk about the apparitions.

Mother Marie-Therese Vauzou was jealous of Bernadette because of the apparitions and continued to make life difficult for her and abuse her emotionally. "The girl is useless!" - these were the words that Bernadette had to put up with throughout her novitiate. The Saint's life was not a bed of roses as she had to endure more cruelty than the other novices during her novitiate but she willingly and patiently accepted God's will. She would say, "Mother Superior is right... I should try to improve myself" instead of defending herself and showing off that she was the visionary of Lourdes.

On 29 July 1866, Bernadette took the veil and was given the name Sister Marie-Bernard. About two weeks later, she fell ill again and was sent to the convent infirmary. On 25 October 1866, her condition  quickly worsened and the doctor said that she would not make it through the night. As Bernadette was already at the point of death, she had to take her vows in advance. The bishop of Nevers, Monsignor Forcade administered the Extreme Unction to her. As Bernadette was spitting out blood, she was unable to take her vows. The bishop had to recite them for her and Bernadette consented by nodding her head. But she recovered and her condition improved as she was saying "Amen!"

On 12 April 1870, Sister Marthe Forest became seriously ill and was bedridden. Even though Bernadette was often ill, she did not mind taking over her duties and assuming the role of head nurse, a position which she held for three years. On 19 July 1870, the French emperor, Napoleon III, declared war on Prussia. During that time, the convent infirmary was turned into a military hospital. In the months that followed, the convent infirmary was overflowed with sick and badly injured soldiers lying on stretchers. Blood wet the stretchers and the ground. Due to limited access to medical resources, the conditions in the infirmary were very bad and surgeons had to operate without anesthesia. Bernadette assisted them and did her best to help as a caregiver to the sick and wounded soldiers. Capable, efficient, and dedicated, her mere presence was a great comfort for them. Despite her poor health, her soul was filled with peace, joy, and serenity and she was really happy with her life as a nun.

In 1873, she was given the Extreme Unction for the third time because  her tuberculosis worsened but once again she escaped death by a hairbreadth. At the age of 29, she had already received the Extreme Unction three times. Although her right leg was causing her intense pain due to a swelling on her knee, she still managed to attend to her new duties as a sacristan in the chapel. From 1874 onward, Bernadette had been struggling with her illness. Exhausted by asthma and tuberculosis, she once said, "My job is to be sick." In 1875, she was admitted to the convent infirmary as a terminally ill patient and she never recovered again.

On 22 September 1878, Bernadette made her perpetual profession of faith. That was also the time when she had to endure the worst sufferings in her life. Her pulmonary tuberculosis had developed into tuberculosis of the knee with cavities on the bone. "Worn out and weary through her sufferings, she had all wasted away," said Father Cros. "For two years, she was subjected to such pain and torments of bone decay that her poor body became a receptacle for all the suffering in the world," commented Father Febre, the chaplain who supported her faithfully when she became fatally ill. Although many miraculous healings were reported after the apparitions, it seemed that the miracles of Lourdes were not intended for her. As what Our Lady of Lourdes said to her, "I cannot promise you happiness in this life but in the next." It was as though she was chosen to suffer until the day she died as her life was made up of a bitter trial of sufferings.

On 28 March 1879, Bernadette's condition deteriorated further and the Extreme Unction was administered to her for the fourth time. "The Passion of Christ touches me more when I read about it than when somebody describes it to me," Bernadette once said. In a way, her sufferings also mirrored the passion of Jesus, her master, whom she loved dearly with all her heart and soul. Like her master before her, she was dying in the agony of love. On 14 April 1879, she confided in Sister Leontine, "I'm crushed like a grain of wheat. I have never thought that I would have to suffer so much." This clearly showed how she struggled to live with the pain, torment, and sufferings throughout her life. However, despite her whole life of suffering, she remained brave and cheerful till the end.

Bernadette's final months on earth were the most agonizing moments in her life as she continued to suffer intensely until she was on the brink of despair. In the final moments of her life, she laid the crucifix upon her heart and said, "You are hanging on the Cross. Oh! How much I love you, my Jesus." At that instant, it was very obvious that she could see HIM. It was already nearing three o'clock in the afternoon on 16 April 1879 when Bernadette stretched out her arms in pain and cried loudly, "My God!" She then prayed with her companions and had twice repeated the words, "Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for me, a poor sinner." As Bernadette was about to breathe her last breath, her companions helped her to get out of bed and sit on an armchair. She asked for a drink, took a few sips, and then bowed her head and gently delivered up her spirit.

Bernadette passed away peacefully at the age of 35 on 16 April 1879 at 3 p.m., the time of Jesus' death. Although she died in great agony, she had accepted her sufferings bravely and willingly in fulfillment of Our Lady's request for penance. The news of her death spread rapidly. Crowds flocked unceasingly to Saint Gildard's Convent to see and venerate the remains of the woman who  did not like popularity and went there "to hide" 13 years ago in the belief that the world would soon forget her.

On 19 April 1879, Bernadette's body was placed in a double coffin of lead and oak and sealed in the presence of witnesses. The body was buried in the vault of a little chapel in the convent grounds dedicated to St. Joseph. However, when her body was exhumed for the first time on 22 September 1909, it was found to be well-preserved and incorrupt. The second exhumation took place on 3 April 1919 and the pathologists who performed the autopsy, Doctor Comte and Doctor Talon, came to similar conclusions as their predecessors. On 18 April 1925, Bernadette's body was exhumed for the third time. According to the autopsy report, her body was in a relatively good state of preservation, there was no smell of body decomposition and her internal organs were in perfect condition. Beatified on 14 June 1925, Bernadette was canonized by Pope Pius XI on 8 December 1933.

Bernadette's memories did not end with her death. Many miracles have been attributed to her. So much has been written about this poor shepherd girl who only wanted to live an ordinary life like everyone else. Today, she lies in a bronze and crystal casket in the chapel of Saint Gildard's Convent in Nevers, where millions of pilgrims come to venerate her every year. Her feast day is celebrated on 16 April.

The message of Our Lady to Bernadette was clear and simple - poverty, prayer, and penance were the keys to the kingdom of heaven.

You may also like to read The Message of Lourdes, The Value of Suffering, and THE WONDERS OF LOURDES: 150 MIRACULOUS STORIES. To view the content page of this blog please click here.


References:
1.  Bernadette Recounts Her Apparitions by Antonio Bernardo. Doucet Publications - Lourdes.
2.  Discover Lourdes. MSM
3.  Lourdes: Apparitions, Message, Pilgrimage. MSM.
4.  Lourdes: From Vision to Pilgrimage. MSM.
5.  Lourdes: History. Doucet Editions.
6.  Lourdes: In Bernadette's Footsteps by Father Joseph Bordes. MSM.

LOVE SCAMS: DEALING WITH PAIN AND ANGER

In my previous articles entitled FACEBOOK CASANOVAS WANTED TO CON MY DEAD MOTHER  and VICTIMS OF FACEBOOK LOVE SCAMS , I focused on how women were conned by their Facebook lovers despite the fact that the same tactics have been used again and again by these Facebook Scammers. Needless to say, being cheated of their love and having lost their life savings can be very upsetting and distressful. If you have experienced what these victims have gone through and find that you are having trouble coping, sleeping, eating, working, and moving on, do seek professional help. Whatever the situation may be, suicide is not the answer. If you do have suicidal thoughts, please seek the help of a qualified psychiatrist. There are also people out there who can help you even though you may not know who they are. You can try calling the Befrienders or other women groups who can give you the help you need.

Instead of indulging in self-pity, there are many things that you can do to relieve your emotional pain and sufferings. Why not try out the suggestions below and see if these could work for you.



EAT, DRINK, AND BE MERRY
A man had no better thing under the sun, than to eat, and to drink, and to be merry: for that shall abide with him of his labor the days of his life, which God giveth him under the sun (Ecclesiastes 8:15). If you are going through a difficult crisis in your life, why not eat and drink to your heart's content and be merry? However, it should be noted that this is only a temporary measure as I'm sure you do not want to be overweight. If you cannot drink alcohol, replace it with fruit juice which is more nutritious. Whatever the situation may be, enjoy your life and be happy.


SURROUND YOURSELF WITH BRIGHT COLORS
Studies have indicated that your emotions, moods, and feelings are affected by certain colors. Colors play a key role in stimulating your visual systems, which, in turn, stimulate the brain's pleasure center and this can have an uplifting effect on your emotional states and moods. Since the color of your clothes can change the way you feel about yourself, go for clothing with brighter hues from turquoise to fuchsia to red to emerald green to royal blue.  The same applies to your home. Simply making some small changes to your living environment with a quick, colorful pick-me-up will reboot your life. You will feel like living in a new home as though you are starting all over again with new energy.


GOSSIP, CELEBRITY, AND FASHION MAGAZINES WOULD BE VERY COMFORTING
There is nothing like reading about victims of love scam who have suffered greater financial loss than you did. This is called schadenfreude, a term that describes how you derive pleasure from others' misfortune because it helps you feel better about your own misfortune. For instance, reading about a celebrity who has been dumped by her boyfriend can give you a sense of pleasure or self-satisfaction because it makes you feel good about yourself. Fashion magazines also help since looking at the fashions of the celebrities and models can help to inspire and motivate you. Seeing a celebrity or model with a new haircut may be a catalyst for you to change your hairstyle and this, in turn, may enable you to update your look and hence feel more confident with yourself.


DO ARTY AND CRAFTY THINGS WITH YOUR HANDS
One of the most popular therapeutic techniques to fight depression and improve mental health is arts and crafts therapy. Studies have shown that doing something with your hands can help to reduce anxiety, lift your moods, and  raise your spirits. These, in turn, can enhance your self-esteem. Why not sew a new dress, bake a cake, paint a picture, or play the guitar? Whilst you are busy with these activities, your mind will focus on the more positive things in your life and you will forget about your misfortune.


HANG OUT WITH LIVING THINGS
Getting out is important because you'll see that life goes on no matter what happens on earth. Go shopping, attend women's support group, eat together with family and friends. Contact your old schoolmates and friends  and go for reunions. Or you can make new friends by joining local groups. If you are lonely, you can participate in some kind of voluntary work. Also, consider adopting a pet  and starting a garden. As you work on finding your life direction, you'll experience lots of happiness along your way.


DO SOMETHING YOU'VE NEVER DONE BUT ALWAYS WANTED TO DO
Try foods you have never eaten before (such as rabbit satay and 'frog on a stick') and learn something new (such as picking up a foreign language or taking singing /dancing lessons). In doing so, you may get to meet new friends, and who knows, you may meet your Mr. Right along the way. If you have the funds, you can also travel and explore the world to broaden your horizons.


LAUGH EVERY DAY FOR THE HEALTH OF IT
In his scientific research, psychologist Norman Cousins has proven that "laughter is the best medicine." He was able to ameliorate his debilitating illness by watching comedies and laughing every day. He applied the same techniques on his patients who became less depressed and had the ability to recover from many of their illnesses. Watching a comedy, reading comics and humor books can make you feel good. Even a phony smile can work wonders for you. So, if you really don't like to smile, just place your lips in a smiling position and you will find that you actually feel happier. Why not try to smile several times a day and put yourself in a better mood?


COUNTING YOUR BLESSINGS WILL MAKE YOU HAPPIER
Studies have shown that those who practise grateful thinking have fewer illnesses, feel better about themselves, happier, healthier, and are more optimistic about their lives. How do you practise gratitude? Write a list of things that you feel grateful in your life and make an effort to appreciate them. Reflect upon and express gratitude for these things every day when you wake up in the morning, at midday, and before you go to bed at night. Thank God for what you have received in life. You will feel better if you count your joys more than your troubles.


For further reading, please refer to Toxic Men: 10 Ways to Identify, Deal with, and Heal from the Men Who Make Your Life Miserable by Lillian Glass (below).

Toxic Men by Lillian Glass

REFERENCES
1.  The Bible: Authorized King James Version with Apocrypha. Oxford University Press.
2.  Glass, Lillian. (2010). Toxic Men. MA: Adams Media.

VICTIMS OF FACEBOOK LOVE SCAMS

Love scammers break your heart and steal your money

My article entitled FACEBOOK CASANOVAS WANTED TO CON MY DEAD MOTHER  has clearly indicated how persistent these Facebook Casanovas are in pursuing their victims to the extent that they would create countless Facebook accounts just to con their targeted victims. The tactics they use are almost the same but women still fall for them. Many are willing to give away their hard-earned money because they are in love and love conquers everything. The tactics used by the scammers are more or less the same and these are summarized below:

Step 1: Steal photos from other Facebook members and set up a fake Facebook account.
Step 2: Search Facebook to find their victims - mainly single women, widows, and divorcees in the hope that they would make big bucks out of them. Sometimes, even married women and senior citizens are not spared.
Step 3: After finding their victims, they would try to seduce them with sweet talks and false promises of a blissful marriage life knowing very well what women like to hear.
Step 4: Once they have gained their victims' trust, this is when they start asking for money. Some would create a heart wrenching story whilst others would pretend to send their victims some kind of luxurious present which requires these poor women to make payments into certain bank accounts before the "luxurious present" could reach them.
Step 5: Once the Facebook Casanovas got what they want, they would disappear leaving their victims much poorer than before and with a broken heart. The odds of recovering the money are very low and they would have to struggle to survive this 'double tragedy'.

Women, irrespective of whether they are married or not, are looking for great love. One of my friends, a mother of three who was having problems with her husband, has also been targeted by a Facebook Casanova. Her whole world seemed to have brightened up during his courting phase as she thought that her Mr. Right has finally appeared and it did not matter whether her husband still cared for her. She told me that her Facebook Casanova called her every single day (7-8 times per day) because he wanted to listen to her sweet voice and when he didn't get to talk to her for just one day, he was really sad and scolded her for not talking to him saying that he missed her very much. He also showered her with lots of praises and sweet love messages. Sounds really romantic, doesn't he? Finally, their courting phase developed into the "money transfer phase" when he said that he would send her a watch, money, and jewelry. My friend was really delighted but when she received a call from a woman telling her to pay RM1000 for the postage charged by the Malaysian Government before the parcel could be delivered to her, she was very disappointed. Not that she did not want the presents but she has always been extremely frugal with her expenditures and whenever it comes to parting with her money, she would think of her children first. Guess what she said to her Facebook Casanova when he asked her to pay up? She said, "If I don't have to pay a single sen, then I would love to have the presents but since I have to pay so much for it,  I had rather not have them. If you can afford to give me those expensive presents, why can't you pay for the postage as well? You can take back your presents." She became immediately suspicious of the situation - it was at that instant that she began to realize that her "Facebook lover" might be trying to con her and broke up with him immediately. But others may not be as lucky as her and ended up parting with their life savings and being heavily in debt as clearly indicated in the following cases.


Case 1: Woman loses RM1.6 million in 'love scam'
A 62-year-old Shah Alam transport company manager lost RM1.6 million after falling victim to a love scam syndicate led by Africans. The woman claimed that she had a close relationship with a man who claimed to be an American via Facebook. Over the course of six months, the man claimed to have suffered losses in his business endeavors and asked the woman to help him by transferring funds into several accounts. He later told her that his friend ‘Calvin’ had been arrested by the Malaysian Customs officials with a large sum of money intended for her and asked the woman to make payments to the Customs so that his friend and the seized money can be released (click here to read the full story dated 22 April 2019).


Case 2: Clerk loses RM128,300 in Facebook love scam
In May 2018, a clerk in Kuantan lost RM128,300 in a Facebook love scam. The 20-year-old woman got acquainted with a man, purportedly from the United States, via Facebook in April 2018. The man wanted to give her presents such as dresses, shoes, handbags, white gold, perfume, an iPad, an iPhone, a bracelet, a wristwatch, gold jewellery and foreign currency of US$28,000 (RM111,860) which were supposedly sent to her on 8 May 2018. On 11 May 2018, the woman received a call from a 'Customs official' who asked her to pay a tax of RM4,800 for the 'presents'. After having made the first payment, the woman was required to make two more payments of RM18,500 and RM49,000, purportedly for charges on the foreign currency and jewellery. On 14 May 2018, the woman received another call from the man asking for RM125,000 as delivery charges for the 'presents'.  After the woman made more than 10 payments involving a total of RM128,300, the man further asked her to deposit a certain amount of money into his account. The woman suspected that she had been scammed and lodged a police report (click here to read the full story dated 14 June 2018). 

Case 3: Clerk loses RM13,300 in social media platform love scam
A  33-year-old clerk in Sibu who claimed to have lost RM13,300 in a Facebook love scam lodged a police report on 21 June 2019. She met a man known as James Hong via Facebook on 13 June 2019. On 15 June 2019, Hong sent her a message that he would deliver a big package to her as a gift. On 18 June 2019, she received a message from Hong telling her that he has been arrested at Kuala Lumpur International Airport because of the size of the package. Hong asked her to pay the RM4,300 import duty so that he could be released. She made two payments of RM1,000 and RM1,800 into an account purportedly under the name ‘Noorhamiza Hamadi’. On 19 June 2019, the woman received another message from Hong, telling her the package contained US$20,000 and she had to make a payment of RM10,500 to the `United Nations Anti-Terrorist Department’ before the fund could be released. She made the payment into the same account. However, she felt suspicious when Hong continued to ask her for more money (click here to read the full story dated 22 June 2019).


Case 4: Woman loses RM41,400 to FB lover
In November 2018, a businesswoman in Kuantan lost RM41,400 after she was conned by a man she met on Facebook. The man, who claimed to be a doctor working in Syria, identified himself as Haruna Mohammed, 57. He told the woman that he would be returning to Malaysia to retire and asked her to keep his pension amounting to USD50,000 which would be sent to her by post. Some time later, the woman received a call from a courier company asking her to make payments for various processes before the pension money could be delivered to her. The woman transferred the money which amounted to RM41,400 in 10 transactions into three accounts from 11 - 22 February 2019. When she did not receive the pension money supposedly sent to her, she became suspicious and lodged a report (click here to read the full story dated 6 March 2019).


Case 5: Penangite transfers RM280k to online stranger; realises she was conned after 9th payment
A 56-year-old housewife from Balik Pulau lost RM280,000 to a Love Scam syndicate when she transferred the money in stages between October 2018 and 17 January 2019. In August 2018, the woman met a man on Facebook who identified himself as Edin Teyul from London. Their relationship flourished and it did not take long before they contacted each other via WhatsApp. The man told her that he was going to Singapore for a business meeting. On his way there, he claimed that he had been detained by Immigration officials for bringing in cash and gold bars beyond the permissible limits and had to borrow US$3,000 from the victim to solve his problem. On 11 Oct 2018, the victim transferred RM3,000 into the AmBank account provided by the suspect, supposedly for the preparation of new documents for Edin Teyul. On 1 Nov 2018, the victim transferred another RM130,000 to the same account, as two per cent payment to Immigration officials in Miri, for the amount of cash and gold bars that the man brought with him. The man kept asking for more money and the victim transferred RM4,000, RM6,000 and RM10,000 into the same account on three separate occasions. On Monday (14/1/2019), the victim transferred RM42,000, on Tuesday (15/1/2019), RM30,000, and the last payment was RM55,000 (17/1/2019). When the man continued to ask for more money after she had transferred RM280,000 to him, the victim became suspicious and lodged a police report (click here to read the full story dated 18 January 2019).

Case 6 - Woman scammed of RM53,600 after helping detained online 'friend'
A 25-year-old female auditor in Sibu lost RM53,600 in a scam after she was cheated by her online friend. On 11 Feb 2019, the victim met a man who identified himself as Fred Hutton on Facebook. One month later, the man told her that he wanted to meet her and her family. However, she was not keen to meet him as they were merely friends. On 11 Mac 2019,  the victim received a phone call from a woman named 'Lenni' who claimed to be a KLIA customs officer. Lenni told the victim that Fred had been detained in the airport for bringing in £25,000 (RM135,000) and jewellery. Fearing that action would be taken against Fred, the victim transferred US$6,000 (RM24,300) into an account given by Lenni in four transactions. The next day, Lenni called the victim again saying that more money was needed for the release of Fred. The vivtim then made a further transfer of US$7,250 (RM29,300). When she received another call from Lenni asking for more money saying that Fred had been beaten up and was injured, she had no more money to send and grew suspicious (click here to read the full story dated 14 March 2019).

Case 7: Labuan woman loses RM376,100 to online 'lover'
A 39-year-old academician in Labuan lost her life savings of RM376,100 to her Facebook "lover" whom she had only known for a month. The man who claimed to be a pilot from Canada offered to give her USD500, perfume, jewelries and other luxury items. Some time later, he called her telling her that the gifts had arrived but were being held by the Malaysian Royal Customs Department because of the undeclared USD500 currency and jewelries. The man told his victim that she had to settle the customs' duties by transferring money into several different accounts before she could claim the money and the luxury items. After making all the payments, the man threatened his victim not to disclose the matter to anyone, or she would be arrested for her involvement in money laundering (Click here to read the full story dated 1 Nov 2018).

Case 8: Banker duped out of 12,580 in African scam
A 31-year-old bank officer in Kepala Batas claimed she lost RM12,580 to a man she met on Facebook in an African scam. The victim befriended the man who claimed to be a Malaysian citizen working as a pilot in Poland in early September 2019. He then told her  that he has sent her a valuable gift through a courier service. The next day, the victim received a phone call from a person who claimed to be  a courier service agent telling her that the gift had arrived and that she had to make payments for shipping and other fees for the item to be delivered. The victim transferred RM12,850 into a bank account given by the courier agent through several transactions from Sept 19 to Sept 23 (click here to read the full story dated 25 Sept 2019).

Case 9: Woman conned by online 'boyfriends'
A businesswoman in her 50s ended up being conned of RM800,000 within a month by her two online boyfriends. The single woman from Johor Bahru  befriended the men via Facebook who claimed to be from overseas. The men began professing their love for her within a month after she got to know them. One of them promised to give her US$1mil (RM4mil). The other  one said that he would be sending her gifts. The victim then started getting calls supposedly from courier companies requesting her to make payments for licences, taxes and immigration clearance. Throughout that month, the victim transferred money to about 12 individual accounts, banking in amounts ranging from RM3,000 to more than RM100,000, in the belief that she could get hold of the money and gifts sent by her Facebook lovers. The victim only realised that she had been conned after requests came in for a larger amount of money. She also started getting threats when she failed to make the payments (click here to read the full story dated 9 October 2019).


Case 10: Jobless Johor woman loses RM380k in love scam
A 50-year-old unemployed woman lost RM380,000 over a one year period after befriending a man who claimed to live in the United States. The victim said she befriended the man, who identified himself as Kenneth Cheung, on Facebook in October 2018. Several weeks later, Kenneth told her that he wanted to send her gifts in the form of jewellery, watches, lingerie and handphones worth RM800 million. The victim was then contacted by a man claiming to be a customs officer who told her that the items had been confiscated and Kenneth had been arrested by the Immigration Department. The "customs officer" also said that she had to make a series of payments if she wanted to release the items and free Kenneth. In December 2018, the victim lodged a police report because she did not get the items after having made the payments. However, the victim still believed that Kenneth did not lie to her and that it was the “customs officer” who cheated her as he continued to demand payments from her. Over a one year period, the victim transferred RM380,000 into numerous bank accounts as demanded by the "customs officer". She even sold her house in Masai for RM230,000 and borrowed money from her family members to make the payments (please click here to read the full story dated 10 December 2019).

The above cases happened recently in Malaysia (from June 2018 to December 2019) and are just several examples of how easily women can be conned by their Facebook lovers despite the fact that the same tactics has been used over and over again throughout the years by the Facebook romance scammers. Perhaps they should follow my friend's example (above) and say "If I don't have to pay a single sen, then I would love to have the presents but since I have to pay so much for it,  I had rather not have it. If you can afford to give me those expensive presents, why can't you pay for the postage as well? You can take back your presents." Can you imagine how these Facebook scammers would feel if you ask them to take back their presents? Instead of being scammed and ended up with a broken heart, why not pretend to be in love with these romance scammers and tell them to take back their presents when they start to ask for payments? It's really going to be fun! At the same time, you can also lodge a police report to save other women from falling into their trap (You may also like to read LOVE SCAMS: DEALING WITH PAIN AND ANGER and Is Marriage Really Necessary and Important in Today's World?). 

To view the contents page of this blog, please click here. For further reading, you can refer to Jan Marshall's Romance Scam Survivor: The Whole Sordid Story. Why would you give money to someone you've never met? You can find the answer in this book.