One of my former colleagues, Geraldine, always calls me to complain about 3 of her friends, 2 retired teachers and a divorced former librarian, who are already in their 60s and 70s, but still desperately looking for love in the wrong places. She cannot understand why these women are still so desperate for a man when they are already in their twilight years and should be living peacefully. The retired teachers nearly got scammed but their stinginess saved them. However, they have not learnt their lessons yet and are still busy looking for love everywhere. As for the divorced librarian, she still goes around looking for a man like an obsessed teenager. She even shook her breasts in front of the guys and talked to them in a seductive voice in the express bus - that reminds me of the girls in my school bus during my school days but they were only teenagers then. Does a woman in her 70s still have the mentality of a teenager? I don't understand these women either as I can only think of my long dead grandmother each time Geraldine calls to tell me about her desperate friends. When my grandmother was in her 60s, she was busy taking care of her grandchildren, sewing, washing, and cooking for all us even though my grandfather was no longer around. She had never spent a second of her life looking for love in the wrong places during her twilight years and I really can't imagine her doing that. If my grandmother were to look for a boyfriend, my cousins and I would surely laugh till our stomachs ache.
The case of a 67-year-old grandmother, Jette Jacobs, from Australia, who was murdered when she travelled to South Africa to meet her Nigerian lover, 28-year-old Jesse Omokoh, whom she met online, clearly showed that even our seniors are very vulnerable to romance scams. This Australian grandmother had sent more than $100,000 to her Nigerian lover who proposed to her before her trip. Then there was the case of another Australian grandmother, 54-year-old Maria Elvira Pinto Exposto, who was duped into drug trafficking after falling for an internet romance scam. The recent case (dated 23 August 2020) of a 68-year-old widow in Johor who lost RM257,172 to an online love scam syndicate after her so-called lover promised to marry her is another example of how desperate a woman can be when it comes to love. Women are most dangerous to themselves when they are desperate to be loved (Vanessa PA Evelyn). These cases can happen again and again unless they can understand that life is not just about marriage and learn how to make the most out of their lives instead of wasting their time seeking men.
And the quest for love goes on. Despite the many romance scams making use of the same tricks over and over again throughout the decades, many women are still falling for this type of scams. Even teachers who are supposed to set good examples for their students are not exempted as they are ready to make unconditional sacrifices when it comes to love because love conquers everything. In a case dated 12 April 2020, a 42-year-old teacher from Pahang lost RM100,000 in an online romance scam despite travel restrictions during the movement control order (MCO). What made her believe that her lover from Indonesia could enter Malaysia to meet her in Kuala Lumpur during the MCO? The answer is - love is really blind. In another case dated 19 May 2020, a teacher in her 40s from Sibu, lost RM4000 to one Jeffrey Ben Mayne who claimed to be a London architect. He had promised to marry her in Malaysia. In a more recent case dated 11 July 2020, a 37-year-old teacher from Kepala Batas, lost RM112,000 to a love scam syndicate after falling in love with a man who claimed to be a US soldier. He had promised to come to Malaysia and marry her but he never did (You can click here to read more about the victims of Facebook love scams).
If grandmothers and teachers are desperately seeking love, what about our young girls? On 18 July 2020, a 16-year-old girl from Ipoh threw her newborn baby, with his umbilical cord attached, from her 2nd. floor bedroom window. On 16 July 2020, a teenage college student from George Town was charged with murdering her newborn baby. She threw her baby from her 13th. floor apartment unit. On 13 May 2020, an 18-year-old shop assistant from Bayan Lepas threw her newborn baby girl from her 4th. floor flat unit. Her baby was lucky enough to survive the incident. Giving birth secretly at home, these unwed mothers had no choice but to throw their newborn babies away. Is this what we call the price of love? What is love? Irresponsible sex? It is very obvious that when these girls fell in love, they did not think of the consequences. Once, a 15-year-old student came to see me. She said that she was very sad because all her friends had boyfriends but she could not find one. Although I advised her to study first and get a boyfriend after she has completed her studies, I could feel that she would not listen to me.
During the early days of my teaching career, I met one of my friends at Kota Raya Complex on a Saturday night when I was doing my shopping alone. I always enjoy shopping alone because there is no need to rush and I can go anywhere I want. If there is someone with me, I would normally end up not buying anything at all. When this friend saw me shopping alone, she shouted in such a way that could make anyone feel guilty. Here it goes: "Aiyah... Are you sure you are alone here? Don't you know that today is Saturday? How can you be alone on a Saturday night? Well, for this kind of woman who does not want to be seen without a man on a Saturday night, her husband and children are her entire world and her only life purpose. The problem is, if her husband leaves her or dies, her whole world comes crumbling down because she cannot live without a man. To fill the vacuum in her life, she would desperately look for love everywhere and become an easy target for romance scammers. The reality is, love scammers know very well what women want and how desperate they are - that is why they are doing a lucrative business.
Is marriage so important that one cannot live without it? Does happiness mean carrying a child in your arms, playing with your children, holding hands with your husband when you go shopping, cooking and washing for your husband and children, going on family outings, sex, and kisses? Most women, irrespective of their age, love doing these things because their entire world is made up of their husband and children. But, I don't think I would enjoy doing these things at all, not even a bit. Why? Looking at my friends' rebellious teenage children, I feel thankful that I don't have to raise one. I would be really furious if I have a teenage son who keeps asking me for money to spend on his girlfriend and loses his temper when I refuse to give him the money he asks for. When I go shopping, I don't like people to pressure me to hurry and certainly feel more comfortable when I am alone. Although I am a good cook, I only cook one dish per meal, sit on the sofa in front of the TV and eat direct from the wok. No rice for me, of course, because one dish is enough. The advantage is - there is no need to cook so much and wash so much because I really hate to wash the pots and pans, plates and bowls. Talking about washing clothes, once a week is more than enough for me. The problem with me is - I can only wash my own clothes because I would feel like vomiting if I wash other people's clothes. What about family outings? I always have lot of things to do that I would be very thankful if I could find some time to be alone on the beach or in the parks with my own thoughts. And of course, sex and kisses are totally out of the question because I don't like people to touch me. Do I sound like a spoilt child? Well, I would rather be a spoilt child than a distressed and pitiful wife. Since I am so used to my carefree, worry-free, and burdenless lifestyle and am living my life to the fullest, I really cannot feel the importance of marriage. Getting married may not be a good thing for me after all because it will take away my freedom and perhaps turn me into a sulky, depressed and angry wife.
When I was just a little girl, I used to ask my mother why she got married and her answer was - she wanted someone to look after her when she grew old. That is probably one of the major reasons why people get married but the question is - how many children will actually look after their elderly parents? My grand aunt lived alone in a bungalow and died in a nursing home because none of her 4 children wanted to live with her. Although my mom's best friend has 2 children (a son and a daughter), she is also living alone because her daughter married an Australian and her daughter-in-law cannot get along with her. Her husband has already passed away many years ago leaving a lot of money in the bank for her. I can only hope that she would not be a victim of romance scammers. Well, it seems that my mother has given me a very bad answer because getting married does not guarantee that one will not be alone during the twilight years.
Getting married also does not mean that one will live happily ever after because divorce and extramarital affairs are extremely common nowadays. Suffering in silence while your husband is having an affair and raising the children alone after a painful divorce are certainly not enjoyable. Should these things happen in one's life, isn't it better not to get married at all? As for me, I choose not to take any risks because I am having a wonderful time now and I don't want things to change for the worse. Simple things like shopping for Christmas and New Year, buyng myself a present, cooking a nice dish for myself, eatings longans while watching TV, going for a walk in the park, watching my favorite movies and TVB dramas, lying on my bed and reading my favorite books, listening to my favorite songs, and going for photography can make me very happy because I know how to value life. So, why bring a man into my world to destroy me when I am living a blissful life? Frankly speaking, even if I were given a husband now, I really don't know what to do with him!
Well, I am not writing this article to discourage marriage. To those who have found their soulmate and are leading a happy family life, I would say that it is good for them. As for those who are still single, divorced, or widowed, do not think that it is the end of the world just because you don't have a man and are feeling lonely. Do you know that loneliness is a luxury? Life can be really peaceful when you are living alone. That is when you can find inner peace and discover your true self. Living alone also means that there is no one to make you angry, no worries, no arguments, no insincerity or affectedness, and, most of all, you are free to do whatever you want and this kind of freedom is really amazing. I never like people to disturb me, dirty my house and misplace my things and that is why I feel more comfortable being alone. Boredom has never found its way into my life because I always have lots of things to do. My advice is - when you are living alone, do not sit and mourn the whole day because you cannot find a man or life will be very miserable. Life is too short to be sad or wasted. The most important thing is how to fill your life with meaningful things - these things need not be complicated. Simple luxuries in life like learning how to cook by watching youtube, buying a new TV, decorating your home for Christmas, or waiting for the sunset on the beach are enough to make you feel happy if you know how to appreciate life. These things are certainly more meaningful than going for men hunting and getting into trouble. Having a man by your side does not mean that you will be really happy as he may bring more pain than joy.
To those women who can afford to give away millions to love scammers, don't you think that this amount money can make you very happy if you spend it on yourself? Giving the money away for some loving words which are not true is a sinful waste of money when the money can be used in a more meaningful way. The loving words expressed in broken Nigerian English certainly do not worth a single cent! As for the grandmothers who are desperately looking for love, don't you think that your grandchildren deserve your love and money more than the Nigerian scammers? Why not spend the money on the grandchildren and make them happy? As for the young girls, study first and love later. Do not trust men easily and never let them ruin your life.
If I were to live my life again, I would still travel the same path that I have traveled all these years. I would still choose to be the pure and perfect bride of Christ because He would not destroy my life or turn me into a bitter, distressed, and pitiful woman. In Him, there is only peace and love. I am very happy because my life has never been contaminated by any man, I am healthy, I have achieved my doctorate degree, and I am free to do whatever I like to do without having to please anyone. And I am glad to say that I am having the time of my life now. Life is short, treasure it, for you will not pass this way again.
You may also like to read Will your husband divorce you and marry his lover?, MARRIAGE AFTER 50: WHAT DO YOU NEED TO CONSIDER?, How Long Should a Widower Wait to Remarry After the Death of His Wife?, and THE LINES OF MARRIAGE AND HOW THEY AFFECT YOUR LOVE LIFE. To view the content page of this blog, please click here.
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