LOVE SCAMS: DEALING WITH PAIN AND ANGER

In my previous articles entitled FACEBOOK CASANOVAS WANTED TO CON MY DEAD MOTHER  and VICTIMS OF FACEBOOK LOVE SCAMS , I focused on how women were conned by their Facebook lovers despite the fact that the same tactics have been used again and again by these Facebook Scammers. Needless to say, being cheated of their love and having lost their life savings can be very upsetting and distressful. If you have experienced what these victims have gone through and find that you are having trouble coping, sleeping, eating, working, and moving on, do seek professional help. Whatever the situation may be, suicide is not the answer. If you do have suicidal thoughts, please seek the help of a qualified psychiatrist. There are also people out there who can help you even though you may not know who they are. You can try calling the Befrienders or other women groups who can give you the help you need.

Instead of indulging in self-pity, there are many things that you can do to relieve your emotional pain and sufferings. Why not try out the suggestions below and see if these could work for you.



EAT, DRINK, AND BE MERRY
A man had no better thing under the sun, than to eat, and to drink, and to be merry: for that shall abide with him of his labor the days of his life, which God giveth him under the sun (Ecclesiastes 8:15). If you are going through a difficult crisis in your life, why not eat and drink to your heart's content and be merry? However, it should be noted that this is only a temporary measure as I'm sure you do not want to be overweight. If you cannot drink alcohol, replace it with fruit juice which is more nutritious. Whatever the situation may be, enjoy your life and be happy.


SURROUND YOURSELF WITH BRIGHT COLORS
Studies have indicated that your emotions, moods, and feelings are affected by certain colors. Colors play a key role in stimulating your visual systems, which, in turn, stimulate the brain's pleasure center and this can have an uplifting effect on your emotional states and moods. Since the color of your clothes can change the way you feel about yourself, go for clothing with brighter hues from turquoise to fuchsia to red to emerald green to royal blue.  The same applies to your home. Simply making some small changes to your living environment with a quick, colorful pick-me-up will reboot your life. You will feel like living in a new home as though you are starting all over again with new energy.


GOSSIP, CELEBRITY, AND FASHION MAGAZINES WOULD BE VERY COMFORTING
There is nothing like reading about victims of love scam who have suffered greater financial loss than you did. This is called schadenfreude, a term that describes how you derive pleasure from others' misfortune because it helps you feel better about your own misfortune. For instance, reading about a celebrity who has been dumped by her boyfriend can give you a sense of pleasure or self-satisfaction because it makes you feel good about yourself. Fashion magazines also help since looking at the fashions of the celebrities and models can help to inspire and motivate you. Seeing a celebrity or model with a new haircut may be a catalyst for you to change your hairstyle and this, in turn, may enable you to update your look and hence feel more confident with yourself.


DO ARTY AND CRAFTY THINGS WITH YOUR HANDS
One of the most popular therapeutic techniques to fight depression and improve mental health is arts and crafts therapy. Studies have shown that doing something with your hands can help to reduce anxiety, lift your moods, and  raise your spirits. These, in turn, can enhance your self-esteem. Why not sew a new dress, bake a cake, paint a picture, or play the guitar? Whilst you are busy with these activities, your mind will focus on the more positive things in your life and you will forget about your misfortune.


HANG OUT WITH LIVING THINGS
Getting out is important because you'll see that life goes on no matter what happens on earth. Go shopping, attend women's support group, eat together with family and friends. Contact your old schoolmates and friends  and go for reunions. Or you can make new friends by joining local groups. If you are lonely, you can participate in some kind of voluntary work. Also, consider adopting a pet  and starting a garden. As you work on finding your life direction, you'll experience lots of happiness along your way.


DO SOMETHING YOU'VE NEVER DONE BUT ALWAYS WANTED TO DO
Try foods you have never eaten before (such as rabbit satay and 'frog on a stick') and learn something new (such as picking up a foreign language or taking singing /dancing lessons). In doing so, you may get to meet new friends, and who knows, you may meet your Mr. Right along the way. If you have the funds, you can also travel and explore the world to broaden your horizons.


LAUGH EVERY DAY FOR THE HEALTH OF IT
In his scientific research, psychologist Norman Cousins has proven that "laughter is the best medicine." He was able to ameliorate his debilitating illness by watching comedies and laughing every day. He applied the same techniques on his patients who became less depressed and had the ability to recover from many of their illnesses. Watching a comedy, reading comics and humor books can make you feel good. Even a phony smile can work wonders for you. So, if you really don't like to smile, just place your lips in a smiling position and you will find that you actually feel happier. Why not try to smile several times a day and put yourself in a better mood?


COUNTING YOUR BLESSINGS WILL MAKE YOU HAPPIER
Studies have shown that those who practise grateful thinking have fewer illnesses, feel better about themselves, happier, healthier, and are more optimistic about their lives. How do you practise gratitude? Write a list of things that you feel grateful in your life and make an effort to appreciate them. Reflect upon and express gratitude for these things every day when you wake up in the morning, at midday, and before you go to bed at night. Thank God for what you have received in life. You will feel better if you count your joys more than your troubles.


For further reading, please refer to Toxic Men: 10 Ways to Identify, Deal with, and Heal from the Men Who Make Your Life Miserable by Lillian Glass (below).

Toxic Men by Lillian Glass

REFERENCES
1.  The Bible: Authorized King James Version with Apocrypha. Oxford University Press.
2.  Glass, Lillian. (2010). Toxic Men. MA: Adams Media.