How to Leave the Past Behind You and Move Forward

Every cloud has a silver lining

Time really flies and before I know it, today is already the last day of the year 2020. Many things have happened this year and the saddest thing is, of course, the coronavirus pandemic which has killed 1,803,473 people (as of 30 December 2020) and deprived countless people of their regular income. 2020 is a year of struggles, uncertainty, suffering, and death. Let us pray and hope that the vaccines can do something to save the human race in the coming year so that life can return to normal again for everyone. Irrespective of whether something good or bad has happened this year, life is a journey that must be traveled. "Life moves on and so should we" (Spencer Johnson). Although it is not easy to start a new life during these hard times, leaving the past in the past and moving forward with courage and determination is still the best choice that one could make in the coming New Year. In this article, I would like to share an inspirational poem with my readers entitled Letting Go by an unknown author.

Letting Go

To let go doesn't mean 

to stop caring;

It means I can't do it 

for someone else.

To let go is 

not to cut myself off...

It's the realization that 

I can't control another...

To let go is not to enable,

but to allow learning 

from natural consequences.

To let go is 

to admit powerlessness,

which means the outcome 

is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try 

and change or blame another,

I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for, 

but to care about

To let go is not to fix, 

but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,

but to allow another 

to be a human being.

To let go is 

not to be in the middle

arranging all the outcomes,

but to allow others 

to affect their own outcomes.

To let go is 

not to be protective,

It is to permit 

another to face reality.

To let go is 

not to deny, but to accept.

To let go is 

not to nag, scold, or argue,

but to search out 

my own shortcomings

 and correct them.

To let go is 

not to adjust everything 

to my desires,

but to take each day as it comes

and cherish the moment.

To let go is not to criticize 

and regulate anyone,

but to try to become 

what I dream I can be.

To let go is 

not to regret the past,

but to grow and 

live for the future.

To let go is 

to fear less 

and to love more.

                         - Author Unknown

Let us learn from natural consequences, correct our shortcomings, face reality, accept the present, live each day as it comes, cherish every moment of it, and strive to become what we dream we can be. Do not regret the past but grow and live for the future. Below are 5 real life stories of what it means to put the past behind and move forward. The names of the protagonists have been changed and the stories have been modified slightly to conceal their real identities. 

Case 1: Taking Refuge in the Past to Escape the Present and the Future Makes Life More Miserable

One of my friends, Patricia, who grew up during the 1970s, is still keeping the old photos of Donny Osmond, David Cassidy, John Denver, Charlie Chin, Chin Han, and Alan Tang. She also has an excellent collection of the songs and movies of that era. Of course, there is nothing wrong with that but the problem with her is she seems to be living in the past and is making use of these things to bring her back to the past. In other words, she seems to be so obsessed with the things of the past that she does not have much interest in the things of the present. Even some of TVB's best dramas of the year such as The Dripping Sauce, Forensic Heroes IV, The Exorcist's Second Meter, On-lie Game, Flying Tigers II and Al Cappuccino do not appeal to her. And she always says that the songs of today are nothing compared to those of the 1970s.

When I asked her why the past is so important to her, she said that there was a certain kind of atmosphere in the past that she cannot find today. The weather, the people, her life, feelings and environment are all so different now and she really yearns for those good old days when the world was a much better place. Sometimes she would go back to the schools that she formerly attended and the places that she used to go during her school days to relive her past experiences. But what I don't understand is how someone who grew up in poverty could miss her childhood days so much? Why is she taking refuge in the past when she is doing quite well now? The answer probably lies in the fact that she misses the people who were so dear to her like her parents and grandparents as they could be the only ones who have ever cared for her but they are all dead now. Now that she has grown older, her life is certainly different from her childhood experiences since her work environment and school environment are altogether two different things. This is probably what she meant when she said that the atmosphere and environment are so different today. Is it because she is afraid to live in the present? Is it because she is worried about the future? Or is it because of loneliness? Would she be happier if she is married as she doesn't seem to be very happy now? "The past is a closed door" (Margaret Atwood) and instead of hiding behind a closed door, perhaps she should live fully in the present and have faith in the future. Holding on to the past would only prevent her from experiencing happiness in the present moment. "In the process of letting go, she will lose many things from the past, but she will find herself" (Deepak Chopra).

When one door closes, another opens;

but we often look so long and so regretfully

upon the closed door that we do not see

the one which has opened for us.

                            - Alexander Graham Bell

"There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new life" (Unknown). Letting go of the things and people that we never want to leave behind does not mean forgetting them. Yesterday's beautiful moments are today's beautiful memories. Instead of dwelling in the past, I dare say that a better option for Patricia is to turn those good old days into beautiful memories. Life changes and everything changes with it. Comparing the past with the present cannot help her to build a better life - moving forward is still the best thing to do. "A very wise man once told me that you can't look back - you just have to put the past behind you, and find something better in your future" (Jodi Picoult). How right he is! That is exactly what Patricia should do. I am sure that once she finds something better, she will not be so obsessed with the past anymore. Her life actually isn't that bad as she is financially stable. All she needs to do is to look at the world from a different perspective, accept the present, have faith in the future, and be thankful for what she has. The past is only a memory and being obsessed with it does not lead her anywhere. The present is reality and she has to face it whether she likes it or not. And the future, well, it is in her hands as she is the author of her own story! And I sincerely hope that Patircia will write a beautiful story about her life in the near future.

Case 2: Feeling Bitter Years After a Divorce Can Ruin Your Life

Nancy has been divorced for more than ten years and her children are already attending college. But after so many years, she cannot stop hating her ex-husband as she still feels cheated by him and is very bitter, angry, hurt, depressed, and spiteful about what happened. It was a high conflict divorce and she still finds that she cannot talk to him nicely face to face - they just cannot be friends. She still yearns for the beautiful memories of the marriage life she used to have and has been hunting for a man who can give her back what she has lost. This is a very dangerous thing to do particularly when she is turning to online dating as she may end up being a victim of love scams. However, after years of hunting men, she is still single and that makes her even more depressed and miserable. Whenever she talks about her husband, she will start cursing him and is always telling bad things about him in front of their children. Because she cannot put the past behind her, she has been stuck in the pain of a bad divorce all these years. The choice is hers, of course, as she is the one who decides her path.

Perhaps Nancy should learn to forgive since hating someone is so painful and it only hurts her even more. In learning to forgive, she can break herself free from the emotional pain of divorce and move forward. Moving forward does not mean that she has to go men hunting - maybe she should pay more attention to her children and be a good mother. Instead of losing her temper and scolding her children for nothing because she is always moody and grouchy, she should control her bad moods and emotional outbursts. There is nothing wrong looking for new love but going all the way out to hunt for men is a little bit too much as this kind of behavior can hurt her children. Instead of hunting for men, a better option for her is to become more active in her temple or maybe she can join the YMCA or do some kind of social work and, who knows, she may bump into a good man accidentally. She can also take the opportunity to improve herself and discover her true potentials instead of staring at the ceiling when there is nothing to do as this would only make her feel empty. 

Today expect something good to happen to

you no matter what occurred yesterday.

Realize the past no longer holds you captive.

It can only continue to hurt you if you hold

on to it. Let the past go. A simply

abundant world awaits.

                                        - Sarah Breathnach

If Nancy is a wise woman, she should live to prove to her ex-husband that her life is better without him instead of showing him that she is in bad shape without him. Holding on to old grudges all the time and plotting to win him back are meaningless when she sees no chance as it hurts her even more. She should keep and open mind, let go and move on instead of attaching herself to this situation. Whether she is happy or sad, life goes on, so why not choose to be happy? Life would be more meaningful if she focuses on the things that she can change instead of what has already happened. She cannot win her husband back but she can take another direction in life and create a better and happier future for herself and live with dignity and great expectations. "Life moves forward. The old leaves wither, die and fall away, and the new growth extends forward into the light" (Bryant McGill).

Case 3:  Lonely Elderly Woman Feels She Has Nothing to Live For

One of my mom's best friends, Margarita, used to have a loving husband and two lovely children. During her younger days, many of her friends were jealous of her because of her good fortune. But now, all those beautiful moments of her life are no more. After her husband died and her children got married, she is left alone in a bungalow. Since her daughter is in Australia, she seldom gets to see her and as she cannot get along with her daughter-in-law, she can only see her son when he visits her during the festive seasons. The last time I visited her, she was weeping because she was very sad and lonely. Her daughter-in-law does not like her husband and children to visit her and has the habit of beating up the children each time after they visit their grandmother. Today, her grandchildren treat her like a complete stranger because they seldom get the chance to meet her.

Margarita said that she was only waiting for death every day because she had nothing to live for. She weeps and mourns for the past because she cannot let go of those good old days when she had everything. Gone are the days when her husband always doted on her foolishly like a slave for he is dead now. Gone are the days when her son always obeyed her because he has married a queen control and dare not disobey his wife. Gone are the days when her daughter was very close to her because she is now married and is living with her family in another country. But does it mean that Margarita has nothing to live for right now? She has a lot of money and a big house - these are great blessings as she does not have to worry about her livelihood. At her age, she is considered healthy as she can still move around. Instead of complaining, perhaps she ought to feel grateful as there are many jobless and homeless people in this world who do not know where their next meal is coming from. The sad truth is, most women are dependent on their husband and children for happiness and once the people who are dearest to them are no longer with them, they don't know what to do. 

Incredible change happens in your life

when you decide to take control of what

you do have power over instead of

craving control over what you don't.

                                      - Steve Maraboli

Being old and alone does not mean that there is nothing to live for. Loneliness and sadness should not be a burden to life as one grows older. Margarita can still live a happy and meaningful life if she could change her mindset and attitude. Change is inevitable in life and she has to adapt to this change whether she wants it or not or she will be consumed by it. Since she cannot bring her husband back to life, force her son to dump his wife or her daughter to come home, the only thing she can do is to accept her present life. After all, she wasn't a good daughter-in-law herself and it is probably not wrong to say that she should accept it as her karma. Somewhere in her past she also had trouble getting along with her mother-in-law.

It is not difficult to find happiness alone especially for rich old ladies like Margarita as much would depend on whether she wants to create happiness for herself or not. Instead of weeping and mourning for the past or cursing her daughter-in-law, she can keep herself busy by watching TV, reading, going for a walk in the park, or taking a trip to another city or country. Or perhaps she can join tai chi classes, learn a new language, or play a musical instrument. As she participates in these activities, she also gets the chance to meet people her own age and make new friends. When she sees that her friends are also having problems with their "queen control daughter-in-laws" she may not feel so bitter anymore knowing that she is not suffering alone. As they share stories of their "queen control daughter-in-laws" with each other, they will feel a weight lifted from their shoulders and thus relieve themselves of this burden.  It is always never too late to make new friends, learn new things and make good changes in life. As she keeps herself occupied, she will begin to feel that she has a lot of things to look forward to. Needless to say, living a happy and fulfilling life would also mean that she can live longer.

Case 4: The Rape Victims And Their Different Pathways

Caryn and Yuki were colleagues. Both were beautiful young ladies and they were doing very well at work. However, it was how they lived their lives after they were raped which was the deciding factor of their fate. After Caryn was raped twice by people she knew, her mental condition became very unstable as she could not recover from her unwanted sexual encounters. Because of her mood swings, her boyfriend could not tolerate her and left. She lost her job and had to live on charity. She even put on a lot of weight and by the time she was in her 40s, she had a full head of gray hair. Not long after that, she was found dead in her home but police found no evidence of foul play. It seemed that she died naturally just like that. How sad! May her soul rest in eternal peace. Yes, she is now at peace and enjoying herself in heaven.

Caryn, however, was not as unlucky as Yuki even though she was gang raped. She was not ashamed of what happened to her and was ready to face the consequences. She did not brood over her unwanted sexual encounter but left it in the past as she moved forward. She continued to do very well at work and has become a successful businesswoman today. Still beautiful, fit, and youthful today, she is now happily married to her boyfriend of twenty years. I have always admired Caryn because she is the kind of woman who does not give up easily and always puts in a lot of effort to strive for success. She is ambitious, resolute, determined, adamant, and persistent.

Let go, Why do you cling to pain? There

is nothing you can do about the wrongs

of yesterday. It is not yours to judge.

Why hold on to the very thing which

keeps you from hope and love?

                                     - Leo Buscaglia

The difference between Caryn and Yuki is - Caryn could leave the past behind and move forward whilst Yuki could not do so. Yuki's mind focused on her negative experiences in the past and that was why her life was going downhill. Dwelling on her painful memories, she created unnecessary pain and suffering for herself thus giving herself a lot of stress and tension. If only she knows how to replace her painful memories with positive and happy thoughts, her life would be different. Caryn, on the other hand, focuses on living in the present as she loves her life and her job. Although there were some busy bodies who kept discouraging her and reminding her of the past, they failed to stop her from moving forward because she has chosen not to obsess herself with negative thoughts, worries, and fears. Her detachment from the past has therefore made way for a new life, happiness and love. And success comes to her one after another as she continues to dream and work hard for the future. She has clearly proven that although she cannot change the past, she can change the future. 

Conclusion

Everyone deserves a happy and fulfilling life. Holding on to the past and refusing to let go would mean that the door to a new life and new opportunities would remain shut. Those who cannot put the past in the past will never be able to enjoy their present because they cannot move forward. To be happy, one has to accept the present circumstances and situation and have faith in the future. For those who are going through a difficult phase of life, do not despair as it will be over before you know it. Every cloud has a silver lining. When life takes someone or something from you, someone or something better will come your way if only you can let go. You will see light at the end of the tunnel so don't lose hope in the midst of despair. But first you have to conquer the darkness with complete faith. Happy New Year 2021!

Thanks for reading. You may also like to read SALUTATION TO THE DAWN, Footprints in the Sand, Is Marriage Really Necessary and Important in Today's World? and How Abraham Lincoln Inspired Me to Pursue My Ph.D.? To view the content page of this blog, please click here.

The Beautiful Hands of a Priest (Father Anthony Ho)

Fr. Anthony Ho Ting Yiu

When I first came across Father Anthony Ho's blog more than 11 years ago, I found it very unique and interesting and I have been following him on his blog ever since. What is so special about his blog? It is special because it is the blog of a Catholic priest who values his vocation and proudly shares his priestly life with the world. Through his blog, I can find the life of Christ - a life of sacrifice and service that can make a difference in others' lives. Every article in it is written deep from his heart - the heart of a priest who wants to tell the whole how proud he is to be on call all the time to serve the faithful from their cradles to their graves. I don't deny the fact that I envy him because he is living the kind of life that I would love to live but I can't as I am a woman. At the same time, I have been observing him and time really flies - before I realize it, more than a decade has passed. 11 years from then, Father Anthony Ho is still proudly serving God and His people wholeheartedly and although I still envy him, I feel that I must write something about him. What a beautiful experience to be called to a life of holiness and to walk in the footsteps of Christ - nothing can be more meaningful than that. In a way, Father Anthony Ho's life also reminds me of a beautiful poem entitled "The Beautiful Hands of a Priest" written by an unknown author:

The Beautiful Hands of a Priest

We need them in life's early morning,
we need them again at its close;

We need their warm clasp of true friendship,

we seek them while tasting life's woes.

At the altar each day we behold them,

and the hands of a king on his throne

are not equal to them in their greatness;

their dignity stands alone.

And when we are tempted and wander

to pathways of shame and sin,

It's the hand of a priest that will absolve us,

not once but again and again.

And when we are taking life's partner,

other hands may prepare us a feast,

But the hands that will bless and unite us,

are the beautiful hands of a priest.

God bless them and keep them all holy

for the host which their fingers caress,

What can a poor sinner do better than

to ask him to guide thee and bless?

When the hour of death comes upon us,

may our courage and strength be increased.

To see, raised above us in blessing

the beautiful hands of a priest!

Around 1963, Father Crowley of Dunsallagh gave the words of this poem to Tom Linehan and the Clare singer put a tune to it and recorded it in a song. This poem clearly tells us how important our priests are in our lives because we need them from the moment we come into this world until the hour we breathe our last. In today's world, it is not easy to find single, celibate, and devout men who can live the life of Christ and who don't mind working for long hours with low pay to serve God's people. If we can come across one, then he is indeed a great blessing from God. In this article, I would like to share the amazing and wonderful life of a Catholic priest, Father Anthony Ho.

Father Anthony Ho is a Chinese priest of the Archdiocese of Vancouver. His father grew up in Hong Kong and his mother grew up in Macau. They attended Catholic schools and that was one reason why they became Catholics. Father Anthony Ho was born in Hong Kong in 1976 where he attended a Catholic high school run by the Salesians of Don Bosco and that was when he began to consider a vocation to the priesthood. The Salesians of Don Bosco, also known as the Society of Saint Francis de Sales, was founded in 1859 by John Bosco, an Italian priest Saint, and named after the a 17th Century bishop of Geneva, Saint Francis de Sales. With the motto "Da mihi Animas caetera tolle" which means "Give me souls, take away the rest", the society was initially intended to help poor children during the Industrial Revolution. 

Father Anthony Ho's ordination

Father Anthony Ho and his parents and younger sister moved to Canada in 1993. He served as a Catechism teacher and prayer group leader before he attended the British Columbia Institute of Technology (BCIT), a polytechnic in Burnaby, where he studied Computer System Technology. In 1998, he entered the Seminary of Christ the King, a beautiful and healthy community to prepare for priesthood, in the Archdiocese of Vancouver. He was ordained a priest on 30 May 2006 at St. Anthony's Parish in Vancouver. His mother died of cancer in 2001 while he was studying to become a priest. Before she passed away, she promised him that the first thing she would do when she entered heaven was to pray that he would become a good priest. 

When asked why he has chosen the Catholic Priesthood, Father Anthony Ho said that he loved the lives of the saints and their writings. His involvement in various religious activities such as altar serving and the Legion of Mary also had  a role to play in helping him to discern his vocation. In a way, he was also attracted to the Catholic priesthood through his devotion to the Blessed Sacrament and to Our Lady.

Father Anthony Ho was an assistant pastor at 3 different parishes for 6 years before he became a pastor. He was a pastor in another parish for 5 years before he was assigned to St. John the Apostle Parish in Vancouver. It is now his 4th year at his current parish. What kind of priest is he? After observing him more than 11 years, my conclusion is, he is the kind of priest who loves his vocation and pours his heart into his parish ministry every moment of his life. In other words, he is not a priest for himself but gives himself  fully and completely to lead and serve us. According to him, helping people to pray and teaching them about faith is a very meaningful thing to do. He enjoys teaching the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA) and is especially happy whenever he is preparing to welcome new members into the Catholic Church. As "Father" to everyone, he strongly believes that the duties of a priest is not only to look after the spiritual needs of the faithful but also to reach out to non-Catholics.

The life of a priest is not a bed of roses as there are always lots of things to do in the parish because he is needed all the time by everyone and everywhere. Father Anthony Ho is certainly not an OP (ordinary person) because his hands are always full. He is the one who started the Chinese Mass Community in his current parish. He is also leading several prayer groups and Bible study groups in English and Cantonese. His prayer groups are not just ordinary prayer groups as these are intended to promote the messages of the Divine Mercy and Our Lady of Fatima. And please do not assume that the RCIA is easy to teach as it has to be taught in 3 different languages - English, Cantonese, and Mandarin. As though these are not enough, he is also writing a weekly article for The B.C. Catholic Multimedia Catholic News and giving a short weekly radio talk show on the Sunday Gospel in Cantonese. Wow! Where does he find the time to so so many things? He is truly a most extraordinary man called to an extraordinary ministry!

Father Anthony Ho is not the kind of priest who would waste his time looking for a girlfriend and pestering the Popes to allow him to get married. Where is he going to find the time for that? He is the kind of priest who believes in perfect chastity in priestly celibacy as it enables him to love God and Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament with an undivided heart. According to him, "priestly celibacy is a source of fruitfulness for spiritual fatherhood and that the focus of priests should be on God and souls." How right he is! As what St. John Vianney says, a priest is an alter Christus and he should do what Jesus did. And doing the works of Jesus means that his top priority should be the salvation of souls and not his sex scandal. The unmarried man focuses his life on the Lord's affairs and is concerned with serving the Lord but the married man focuses on the world demands and is concerned with pleasing his wife (1 Corinthians 7:32-33). Sad to say, there are many people who want to become priests but do not understand the role and importance of priestly celibacy. Perhaps they should turn to Father Anthony Ho for advice.

Father Anthony Ho is of the opinion that: "Developing a deep friendship with Jesus in the Holy Eucharist and with Our Lady is the source of happiness and strength for priests. By being faithful to our daily prayer and daily duty, we grow in holiness and bring many blessings to the people." Yes, Jesus and Mary are the source of happiness and strength for priests - not sex, lakefront homes, private jets, luxury cars, and pop music. What the faithful would love to see is a true priest who grows in holiness as he brings them closer to God - not a priest who quits the Catholic Church to get married or embezzles Church money for his personal use.

Father Anthony Ho is a man taken from among men to serve God's people and to lead them to union with God. As a shepherd tends to his scattered flock when he is with them, so I will tend my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they have been scattered when it was cloudy and dark (Ezekiel 34:12). Priests must be joyful and stubborn and do not mind taking risks to seek out those who are most distant from God just as what Jesus has done (Pope Francis). And that is why Father Anthony Ho has devoted himself entirely to his special mission as a priest. The word "entirely" here means "all he has" and not just 30% or 40% because his focus is only on God and souls. 

In this final paragraph, I would like to share a piece of Father Anthony's invaluable advice with the faithful: "A good prayer life and knowedge of the Catholic faith are very fundamental to our spiritual life. Friendship can only be deepened by spending time together and by communicating. So, we must spend time with Christ and communicate with Him each day. Daily prayer is like food and drink for our soul. We need prayer to deepen our friendship with Christ."  That is why he is always busy helping us to deepen our faith and our relationship with Jesus for the salvation of our souls. If only we can have more priests like him, the world would be a much better place for everyone. To those who wish to join the Catholic priesthood, why not seek some invaluable advice from Father Anthony Ho? I am sure you will be inspired by him and become good priests too. Who knows, you may one day change many lives by God's grace!

You may also like to read FATHER OC LIM - OUR PRIEST LAWYER, Cardinal Robert Sarah: The Christian Priesthood Is in Mortal Danger, WHY POPE BENEDICT XVI CLARIFIES, REAFFIRMS, REINFORCES AND DEFENDS CELIBACY? and From the Depths of Our Hearts: Priesthood, Celibacy, and the Crisis of the Catholic Church. To view the content page of this blog, please click here.

Is Marriage Really Necessary and Important in Today's World?

One of Geraldine's retired teacher friends was nearly scammed by an unemployed young Nigerian who claimed to to be a Finnish engineer.

One of my former colleagues, Geraldine, always calls me to complain about 3 of her friends, 2 retired teachers and a divorced former librarian, who are already in their 60s and 70s, but still desperately looking for love in the wrong places. She cannot understand why these women are still so desperate for a man when they are already in their twilight years and should be living peacefully. The retired teachers nearly got scammed but their stinginess saved them. However, they have not learnt their lessons yet and are still busy looking for love everywhere. As for the divorced librarian, she still goes around looking for a man like an obsessed teenager. She even shook her breasts in front of the guys and talked to them in a seductive voice in the express bus - that reminds me of the girls in my school bus during my school days but they were only teenagers then. Does a woman in her 70s still have the mentality of a teenager? I don't understand these women either as I can only think of my long dead grandmother each time Geraldine calls to tell me about her desperate friends. When my grandmother was in her 60s, she was busy taking care of her grandchildren, sewing, washing, and cooking for all us even though my grandfather was no longer around. She had never spent a second of her life looking for love in the wrong places during her twilight years and I really can't imagine her doing that. If my grandmother were to look for a boyfriend, my cousins and I would surely laugh till our stomachs ache. 

Geraldine's 72-year-old friend shook her breasts in front of the guys in the express bus when they were going on a trip.

The case of a 67-year-old grandmother, Jette Jacobs, from Australia, who was murdered when she travelled to South Africa to meet her Nigerian lover, 28-year-old Jesse Omokoh, whom she met online, clearly showed that even our seniors are very vulnerable to romance scams. This Australian grandmother had sent more than $100,000 to her Nigerian lover who proposed to her before her trip. Then there was the case of another Australian grandmother, 54-year-old Maria Elvira Pinto Exposto, who was duped into drug trafficking after falling for an internet romance scam. The recent case (dated 23 August 2020) of a 68-year-old widow in Johor who lost RM257,172 to an online love scam syndicate after her so-called lover promised to marry her is another example of how desperate a woman can be when it comes to love. Women are most dangerous to themselves when they are desperate to be loved (Vanessa PA Evelyn). These cases can happen again and again unless they can understand that life is not just about marriage and learn how to make the most out of their lives instead of wasting their time seeking men. 

Geraldine's former colleague, a 67-year-old divorced teacher, signed up with online dating. Her 60-year-old friend, a retired teacher from Penang, nearly got scammed by a young Nigerian guy.

And the quest for love goes on. Despite the many romance scams making use of the same tricks over and over again throughout the decades, many women are still falling for this type of scams. Even teachers who are supposed to set good examples for their students are not exempted as they are ready to make unconditional sacrifices when it comes to love because love conquers everything. In a case dated 12 April 2020, a 42-year-old teacher from Pahang lost RM100,000 in an online romance scam despite travel restrictions during the movement control order (MCO). What made her believe that her lover from Indonesia could enter Malaysia to meet her in Kuala Lumpur during the MCO? The answer is - love is really blind. In another case dated 19 May 2020, a teacher in her 40s from Sibu, lost RM4000 to one Jeffrey Ben Mayne who claimed to be a London architect. He had promised to marry her in Malaysia. In a more recent case dated 11 July 2020, a 37-year-old teacher from Kepala Batas, lost RM112,000 to a love scam syndicate after falling in love with a man who claimed to be a US soldier. He had promised to come to Malaysia and marry her but he never did (You can click here to read more about the victims of Facebook love scams). 

A piece of good advice from Geraldine, "Better be a spinster than to be scammed of all our money. No need to be desperate. No need to go online or chase / seduce men, young or old. We must have our dignity."

If grandmothers and teachers are desperately seeking love, what about our young girls? On 18 July 2020, a 16-year-old girl from Ipoh threw her newborn baby, with his umbilical cord attached, from her 2nd. floor bedroom window. On 16 July 2020, a teenage college student from George Town was charged with murdering her newborn baby. She threw her baby from her 13th. floor apartment unit. On 13 May 2020, an 18-year-old shop assistant from Bayan Lepas threw her newborn baby girl from her 4th. floor flat unit. Her baby was lucky enough to survive the incident. Giving birth secretly at home, these unwed mothers had no choice but to throw their newborn babies away. Is this what we call the price of love? What is love? Irresponsible sex? It is very obvious that when these girls fell in love, they did not think of the consequences. Once, a 15-year-old student came to see me. She said that she was very sad because all her friends had boyfriends but she could not find one. Although I advised her to study first and get a boyfriend after she has completed her studies, I could feel that she would not listen to me.

During the early days of my teaching career, I met one of my friends at Kota Raya Complex on a Saturday night when I was doing my shopping alone. I always enjoy shopping alone because there is no need to rush and I can go anywhere I want. If there is someone with me, I would normally end up not buying anything at all. When this friend saw me shopping alone, she shouted in such a way that could make anyone feel guilty. Here it goes: "Aiyah... Are you sure you are alone here? Don't you know that today is Saturday? How can you be alone on a Saturday night? Well, for this kind of woman who does not want to be seen without a man on a Saturday night, her husband and children are her entire world and her only life purpose. The problem is, if her husband leaves her or dies, her whole world comes crumbling down because she cannot live without a man. To fill the vacuum in her life, she would desperately look for love everywhere and become an easy target for romance scammers. The reality is, love scammers know very well what women want and how desperate they are - that is why they are doing a lucrative business.

Is marriage so important that one cannot live without it? Does happiness mean carrying a child in your arms, playing with your children, holding hands with your husband when you go shopping, cooking and washing for your husband and children, going on family outings, sex, and kisses? Most women, irrespective of their age, love doing these things because their entire world is made up of their husband and children. But, I don't think I would enjoy doing these things at all, not even a bit. Why? Looking at my friends' rebellious teenage children, I feel thankful that I don't have to raise one. I would be really furious if I have a teenage son who keeps asking me for money to spend on his girlfriend and loses his temper when I refuse to give him the money he asks for. When I go shopping, I don't like people to pressure me to hurry and certainly feel more comfortable when I am alone. Although I am a good cook, I only cook one dish per meal, sit on the sofa in front of the TV and eat direct from the wok. No rice for me, of course, because one dish is enough. The advantage is - there is no need to cook so much and wash so much because I really hate to wash the pots and pans, plates and bowls. Talking about washing clothes, once a week is more than enough for me. The problem with me is - I can only wash my own clothes because I would feel like vomiting if I wash other people's clothes. What about family outings? I always have lot of things to do that I would be very thankful if I could find some time to be alone on the beach or in the parks with my own thoughts. And of course, sex and kisses are totally out of the question because I don't like people to touch me. Do I sound like a spoilt child? Well, I would rather be a spoilt child than a distressed and pitiful wife. Since I am so used to my carefree, worry-free, and burdenless lifestyle and am living my life to the fullest, I really cannot feel the importance of marriage. Getting married may not be a good thing for me after all because it will take away my freedom and perhaps turn me into a sulky, depressed and angry wife.

When I was just a little girl, I used to ask my mother why she got married and her answer was - she wanted someone to look after her when she grew old. That is probably one of the major reasons why people get married but the question is - how many children will actually look after their elderly parents? My grand aunt lived alone in a bungalow and died in a nursing home because none of her 4 children wanted to live with her. Although my mom's best friend has 2 children (a son and a daughter), she is also living alone because her daughter married an Australian and her daughter-in-law cannot get along with her. Her husband has already passed away many years ago leaving a lot of money in the bank for her. I can only hope that she would not be a victim of romance scammers. Well, it seems that my mother has given me a very bad answer because getting married does not guarantee that one will not be alone during the twilight years.

Getting married also does not mean that one will live happily ever after because divorce and extramarital affairs are extremely common nowadays. Suffering in silence while your husband is having an affair and raising the children alone after a painful divorce are certainly not enjoyable. Should these things happen in one's life, isn't it better not to get married at all? As for me, I choose not to take any risks because I am having a wonderful time now and I don't want things to change for the worse. Simple things like shopping for Christmas and New Year, buyng myself a present, cooking a nice dish for myself, eatings longans while watching TV, going for a walk in the park, watching my favorite movies and TVB dramas, lying on my bed and reading my favorite books, listening to my favorite songs, and going for photography can make me very happy because I know how to value life. So, why bring a man into my world to destroy me when I am living a blissful life? Frankly speaking, even if I were given a husband now, I really don't know what to do with him!

Well, I am not writing this article to discourage marriage. To those who have found their soulmate and are leading a happy family life, I would say that it is good for them. As for those who are still single, divorced, or widowed, do not think that it is the end of the world just because you don't have a man and are feeling lonely. Do you know that loneliness is a luxury? Life can be really peaceful when you are living alone. That is when you can find inner peace and discover your true self. Living alone also means that there is no one to make you angry, no worries, no arguments, no insincerity or affectedness, and, most of all, you are free to do whatever you want and this kind of freedom is really amazing. I never like people to disturb me, dirty my house and misplace my things and that is why I feel more comfortable being alone. Boredom has never found its way into my life because I always have lots of things to do. My advice is - when you are living alone, do not sit and mourn the whole day because you cannot find a man or life will be very miserable. Life is too short to be sad or wasted. The most important thing is how to fill your life with meaningful things - these things need not be complicated. Simple luxuries in life like learning how to cook by watching youtube, buying a new TV, decorating your home for Christmas, or waiting for the sunset on the beach are enough to make you feel happy if you know how to appreciate life. These things are certainly more meaningful than going for men hunting and getting into trouble. Having a man by your side does not mean that you will be really happy as he may bring more pain than joy.

To those women who can afford to give away millions to love scammers, don't you think that this amount money can make you very happy if you spend it on yourself? Giving the money away for some loving words which are not true is a sinful waste of money when the money can be used in a more meaningful way. The loving words expressed in broken Nigerian English certainly do not worth a single cent! As for the grandmothers who are desperately looking for love, don't you think that your grandchildren deserve your love and money more than the Nigerian scammers? Why not spend the money on the grandchildren and make them happy? As for the young girls, study first and love later. Do not trust men easily and never let them ruin your life.

Being single and living alone does not mean that there is no life. Believe me, your life can be very interesting if you know how to live wisely and bring meaning to it. How can this be done? Easy. Follow these rules:

Rule 1: Love yourself, don't rely on someone else to do it. Never depend on anyone for your happiness but yourself.

Rule 2: Give yourself the best of everything and make the best of everything. Life is too short to limit yourself.

Rule 3: Live in the moment and cherish every second of the day as it comes. Do not feel sad because God has given you this wonderful life to enjoy yourself. If you spend the days of your life without enjoying yourself, you will regret when you look back at your life.

If you can follow these rules, you have found the key to true and everlasting happiness. These are also my golden rules for eternal happiness, freedom, and inner peace. Looking at myself in the mirror every morning, I feel so proud of myself for being single. Why? I may not be able to maintain my slim figure and youthful looks if I were married because weight gain after childbirth is inevitable. I may not have a Ph.D. if I have a family because there would be no time to focus on my thesis. And who knows, I may have become a bitter single mother and jilted wife today with a sagging figure and gaunt appearance if I have chosen marriage. Oh No! I would rather live to pamper myself every day.

If I were to live my life again, I would still travel the same path that I have traveled all these years. I would still choose to be the pure and perfect bride of Christ because He would not destroy my life or turn me into a bitter, distressed, and pitiful woman. In Him, there is only peace and love. I am very happy because my life has never been contaminated by any man, I am healthy, I have achieved my doctorate degree, and I am free to do whatever I like to do without having to please anyone. And I am glad to say that I am having the time of my life now. Life is short, treasure it, for you will not pass this way again.

You may also like to read Will your husband divorce you and marry his lover?, MARRIAGE AFTER 50: WHAT DO YOU NEED TO CONSIDER?, How Long Should a Widower Wait to Remarry After the Death of His Wife?, and THE LINES OF MARRIAGE AND HOW THEY AFFECT YOUR LOVE LIFE. To view the content page of this blog, please click here.

Will your husband divorce you and marry his lover?

Third party interference in a marriage is an issue which everyone prefers to ignore in the hope that it is not true and everything will be fine. Many women do not mind suffering in silence because they dare not confront their husbands for fear of losing them. They will rather keep one eye close as long as their husbands know the way home and have no intention to divorce them. This is because divorce can be very painful for a woman especially if she has given herself entirely to her husband and family. 

Although I have never been married before, this does not prevent me from observing what is happening to other people's marriages. As a keen observer, I have come across many marriages that ended on the rocks due to third party interferences. The recent article dated 6 September 2020 entitled "Wanita Sarat Hamil Tanpa Si Suami," Diceraikan Talak 3 Demi Perempuan Lain (Husband Divorced Heavily Pregnant Wife for Another Woman) made me feel sad even though I did not know this woman. The other woman refused to leave her husband no matter what and her husband did not want to wait until the baby is born to divorce her. I hope that she will face the future bravely and find happiness one day. In this article, I would like to share three real life stories about marital infidelity that I have been observing for years, or to be exact, more than 20 years. The descriptions of the main characters in these stories have been slightly modified to conceal their real identities.

Case 1:  Woman struggled to raise her children after being dumped by lover

Shirley used to be a very beautiful girl during her younger days but she was really unlucky to have fallen in love with Nick, a married man with 2 children. Nick told her that he no longer had any feelings for his estranged wife and promised to marry her 'one day' but little did she know that his 'one day' would mean 'never' (even an outsider like me could see that he was only taking advantage of her but at that time she was so blinded by his love that she would listen to no one). Believing that he would marry her one day, Shirley quit her job and went to live with him. She built many wonderful dreams of a blissful marriage life in the air while waiting for him to fulfil his empty promises. For 12 years, she waited for him to divorce his wife and marry her but all he could ever do was to make more empty promises. It seemed that the issue of divorce was entirely out of discussion. Nick was actually enjoying the companionship of both his wife and mistress. Shirley felt cheated but the arrivals of their sons left her without a choice but to continue living with him in the hope that his empty promises would come true one day but they never materialized. It wasn't easy for her to bear the criticisms of her neighbors, relatives, and friends but all she could ever do was to turn a deaf ear to them.

As the years went by, Nick's attitude towards her changed and they began to quarrel. Their heated arguments soon led to a complete estrangement between them. It was only then that Shirley began to realize that he wasn't the man for her and it was meaningless to live with him any longer. She left him and brought her two sons with her. It was not easy for her to start a new career at that age - if she did not quit her job and went to live with Nick, she could have better career prospects today and has probably married a decent man. No doubt, she has learnt a lesson after all but this lesson was far too expensive because she has given up her bright future for a worthless man. However, for the sake of her sons, she must learn to be independent and brave the storm.

On the other hand, Nick's wife has also learnt a very important lesson - keep one eye closed when your husband is fooling around as long as he knows how to come home. Needless to say, she was not happy with the presence of another woman in her husband's life for so many years but her patience and tolerance had helped her to win her husband back without the need of confrontation. Today, she does not have to share her husband with anyone anymore. At his age, Nick is a faithful husband and perfect family man who is enjoying the warmth of family love. Every cloud has a silver lining - it does not matter what her husband did to her anymore because they are going to have a blissful marriage life in the future. After Nick's extramarital affair, he would probably love and cherish his wife even more.

Case 2:  Husband dumped wife for a woman 20 years younger

Not everyone is as lucky as Nick's wife because some men do not know their way home after fooling around and Zoey's husband, Kenny, is such a man. Both Zoey and her husband are successful entrepreneurs and they have 4 children. But, when Zoey first met her husband, he was only a poor man and since she had a rich father, she decided to help him set up his own business. Because of her care and concern for him, they soon fell in love and got married not long after that even though Zoey's parents did not really approve the marriage because they felt that their daughter was too good for her husband.

For 20 years, their marriage was a blissful one as there was no third party interference. But the presence of Selina changed everything. Selina was a young entrepreneur in her 20s who had business dealings with Kenny's company. The bad news for Zoey was these business dealings later transformed into a romantic relationship between Kenny and Selina. At 48, Kenny looked young for his age whilst his wife looked more like his mother.  With 4 grown-up children, he probably wanted to look for some new excitement in his life and since Selina was young and beautiful, he couldn't find any reason why he shouldn't fall in love with her especially when the girl was already showing some interest in him. 

So Kenny divorced his wife and married Selina. Together they started a new family and a very blissful one too. Too bad for Zoey, she still hasn't found her new love today. At her age, the chances of her finding true love are depressingly slim. What was Zoey's greatest mistake? She should have looked for tell-tale signs of her husband's affair before it was too late but she just trusted him too much until the situation got out of hand. Although she did not mind her husband keeping a secret mistress as long as he did not divorce her for the sake of the children, he could not keep his marriage vows anymore because Selina did not want to be his secret mistress. The young and beautiful Selina wanted to be legally married to Kenny and she did not like the idea of sharing her husband with Zoey. 

Case 3:  Husband dumped wife and old lover to marry his new lover

As the third party in an affair, Linda was not as lucky as Selina as her life has been completely destroyed by this affair even though Lucas' wife left him in the end. Linda and Lucas worked in the same company. At the time they first met, Lucas was already married with 2 children. Despite of his affair with Linda, Lucas was still very much in love with his wife and he was a responsible father. However, he kept assuring Linda that he would divorce his wife and marry her and this went on for many years. Known as the 'third party' and marriage wrecker, Linda did not have a very good reputation but she endured all criticisms because of her love for this man. 

Lucas' wife finally couldn't stand her husband anymore and divorced him. She left for another country with their 2 children and since then Lucas has never heard from them again. Linda, who was pregnant, was very happy because Lucas has finally decided to marry her. However, her happiness did not last long because Lucas fell in love with another girl, in her early 20s, while on a business trip abroad. This beautiful young lady was the daughter of a rich man and it seemed that she was the best choice for him at that time. Why? Linda was already in her mid 30s and she was not as rich as this young lady. Could she blame Lucas for dumping her?  What has he done? He only wanted to have the best of everything for himself. When news of his marriage reached Linda, she was so devastated that she had a miscarriage. Today, Linda is still single as she no longer has any confidence in any relationship. 

Conclusion

Based on the cases above, one cannot deny the fact that the secret to get a man hooked is to be his ideal woman and the best among the best. Being a woman is therefore not easy as there is always the possibility that she may have to compete with another woman for her husband's love. And of course her husband will choose the better one between the two of them. In Case 1, Nick did not wish to divorce his wife because there wasn't much difference between his wife and mistress as they belonged to the same kind - both were housewives of around the same age. What's the purpose of getting rid of one woman and then marrying another woman who is more or less similar to the first wife? Isn't it better to enjoy the best of both worlds? As for Case 2, Kenny's decision to leave his wife for a woman 20 years younger may not be unreasonable, or at least that was how he felt. His first wife looked much older than him as she did not age well and was getting old and unattractive. Given a choice, he would surely choose a younger and more beautiful wife. In Case 3, Lucas let his first wife decide what she wanted with their marriage as it was difficult for him to choose between two women of the same kind - both were beautiful career women of about the same age. However, when a much younger, richer, and more beautiful woman came into his life, he realized that she was the one he was looking for and immediately married her. 

As I am writing this article, I couldn't help feeling how fortunate I am because I don't have to compete with other women for a man's love. OMG, that's really stressful. I only want to be myself and live a happy and carefree life doing the things I like to do each day. I don't want to be a jilted wife. I don't want to shed tears for a worthless man. I don't want to be a single mother and bring up the children alone. I only want to enjoy life and be happy. I have always been very happy being single that I don't understand why so many women are hopelessly searching for love. Even single, widowed, and divorced women in their late 60s and 70s are busy seeking love.  Some have fallen in love with romance scammers and lost their life savings in the name of love. One of my former colleagues always calls me to complain about this retired teacher, still single in her 70s, behaving like a teenager who is so obsessed with the opposite sex. And she doesn't know that everyone is laughing at her behind her back!  Is marriage so important that women cannot live without it? Does marriage really bring happiness? Given the fact that divorce and extramarital affairs are so common nowadays, I dare say that life is more meaningful if we live happily for ourselves instead of just living to please a man. I will never let a man walk into my life and make me sad. I will never let my life be contaminated by a worthless man. I only want to be the pure and perfect bride of Christ. 

Divorce brings heartache, pain, and misery - those affected have no choice but to move on. That's life. Of course a better way to look into a relationship is to study the palm as it can foretell the problems in a relationship. A broken marriage line is an indication of divorce or separation due to third party interference. A marriage line which forks at the end is an indication of one's carelessness in the relationship and for being so naive as not to know what is going on in the marriage until everything becomes too late. An island on the marriage line is also a bad omen as it indicates a troubled marriage. Perhaps early problem detection can help to save a marriage. 

To view pictures of the lines marriages, please read THE LINES OF MARRIAGE AND HOW THEY AFFECT YOUR LOVE LIFE. You may also like to read Is Marriage Really Necessary and Important in Today's World?; MARRIAGE AFTER 50: WHAT DO YOU NEED TO CONSIDER?; and How Long Should a Widower Wait to Remarry After the Death of His Wife? To view the content page of this blog, please click here.

Is the Catholic Church to Blame for Overpopulation in the Philippines?

The Roman Catholic Church is the first and original Christian Church

It has never occurred to me that the Philippines is so densely populated until recently when the Sabah travelers brought the Covid-19 virus to Peninsular Malaysia causing a sudden spike in cases in the whole country at the time when Malaysia was winning the coronavirus war. That was when I started doing some research on this country and discovered the real life stories of its slum dwellers and homeless people. Extreme poverty and overpopulation left them without a choice but to seek for better lives in Malaysia. To date, there are about 800,000 Filipinos living in Malaysia (according to 2013 Philippine government estimates but the accurate number is likely to be much higher given the fact that they have been sneaking into the country almost every day all these years) and the majority of them are illegal immigrants. Although there are many Filipinos in Malaysia, most of them live in Sabah. For years, they have been sneaking into Malaysia to find work but their illegal entry into the country during the coronavirus pandemic has become a serious threat to the country. The Philippines has the highest number of Covid-19 cases in Southeast Asia and the new strain, G614, found in this country, is 10 times more infectious than the original strain, D614, from Wuhan. The recent case of a Filipino man who sneaked into Sabah again on 5 September 2020 via Rat Lanes after being deported to the Philippines on 27 August 2020 is a nightmare for Malaysians because he was the one who started the 'Sea Cluster' in Sabah which, to date, has more than 100 infections. With so many trouble makers like him bringing the G614 strain from the Philippines, many new clusters have been detected in Sabah thus putting the lives of Malaysians at risk. Sneaking in and out of the country via Rat Lanes whenever they like, the Filipinos are potential virus carriers that could make Malaysia's coronavirus war much more difficult to fight. On 1 July 2020, there was only one new Covid-19 case in Malaysia but sad to say, we have 561 new cases today. 

Why are the Filipinos so desperate to come to Malaysia? Why do they keep sneaking into the country illegally even though they know that they are not welcome here and will be deported? The Philippines is the second most populous country in Southeast Asia after Indonesia and the thirteenth most populous country in the world. It has the highest population growth rate in the region and its population is estimated at 109 million as of June 2020. With 4.5 million homeless people, 20 million people living in slums, and 54% poor families, joblessness and poverty are inevitable particularly during the coronavirus pandemic. Overpopulation makes their situation even worse as their crowded and cramped living conditions can easily enhance the transmission of infectious diseases. Overcrowding also makes it difficult for them to have proper washing, cleaning, cooking, and toilet facilities. Surviving on food made of garbage, known as pagpag, is a common practice for those in extreme poverty as it is the daily staple food of the poor but this unhygienic food can lead to malnutrition, stunted growth, and diseases. Given such dire circumstances, it is no wonder why Malaysia has become a lucrative destination for them. Since Malaysians like to employ illegal workers because they are inexpensive, hardworking, and obedient, getting a job here is not a problem for them and they can easily make a decent living. Life in Malaysia can be heavenly as there is no overcrowding here and they do not have to consume pagpag anymore. In actual fact, many of them are living better lives than the unemployed locals. 

Overpopulation and poverty are both inseparable as it is an obvious fact that rapid population growth will result in homelessness, disease, food shortages, water scarcity, and joblessness. Recently, I have been watching videos about homelessness and poverty in the Philippines and it really shocked me to see so many poor slum dwellers and homeless families eating pagpag as their daily meal. Although millions have lost their jobs during the pandemic, procreation still plays a pivotal role in the lives of these people. What is even more shocking is that these families have many children and these innocent children have to grow up lacking in everything only to repeat the life cycle of their parents. Even poor, unmarried teenagers give birth to one child after another although they know that their future is so uncertain. I remember watching a video about a Filipino woman with her 8 children (7 girls and 1 boy) and the younger ones were crying because they were hungry. When interviewed, she said that she would love to have another boy in the family and would keep trying for another son. What's the purpose of having another son when she can't even afford to send the only boy in the family to school? Then there was this video about a Filipino woman and her 12 children living under the bridge - they were so poor that they have never eaten a proper meal in their lives. But why bring so many children to this world to suffer from the day they make their first cry until the day they breathe their last? What kind of future will they have given their destitute circumstances? In one of the videos, it really broke my heart to see a little girl crying while being interviewed because her parents could not afford to buy her the toys that she wanted. Needless to say, no one likes to live in the slums / on the streets and eat pagpag all their lives and the poor do have the choice to prevent this from happening to their next generation. But why do they still choose to bring so many children to this world to suffer the same fate as them? Children are not blessings from God if they have to live their lives in the slums or on the streets and survive on pagpag as their way of life. Poverty can cause a lot of damage to the children as it deprives them of their life chances. 

One cannot deny the fact that the only solution to overpopulation and poverty is population control. To this effect, the Catholic Church has often been blamed for making the country's overpopulation crisis worse because of its opposition to contraception like condoms and birth control pills, abortion, and family planning. According to Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte, "We are the fastest growing population and I squarely blame the Catholic Church. They think that spewing out human beings by the millions is a gift from God." The question is - are the super baby makers in the Philippines really that obedient to the Church? Needless to say, the commandment, "Be fertile, then, and multiply; abound on earth and subdue it" (Genesis 9:7) has been fulfilled extremely successfully because it is very popular with them. But what about the fifth commandment - Thou shalt not kill? According to the Wikipedia, the Philippines has the highest murder cases in Southeast Asia with 9784 recorded cases as of 2014. Has the Catholic Church ever said that they can kill? And what about the seventh commandment - Thou shalt not steal? Robbery, pick-pocketing and bag-snatching are not uncommon in the Philippines particularly in crowded places and there have been many instances when tourists were killed while being robbed. In January 2017, Philippine policemen robbed and extorted money from three South Korean golfers who went to the Philippines to play golf. In July 2017, a British man, Tarek Naggar, was gunned down outside a bar when he refused to hand over his wallet. Also in July 2017, a New Zealander, Simon Rawlinson, was shot dead at a market and his bag (containing his documents, money, and laptop) was taken by the perpetrators. Did the Pope say that they can rob? My advice is, do not travel alone to the Philippines, be careful with your handbag / wallet and never withdraw cash after dark because tourists are lucrative targets.

When God says, "Be fruitful, multiply, and fill the Earth", everyone is happy to carry out this commandment since the time of Adam and Eve. So when the Catholic Church forbids contraception, abortion, and family planning, there is no problem of obedience. Why? Because these rules are easy to follow - the baby makers don't mind because it is something they want to do anyway and enjoy doing since children are supposed to be blessings from God. But of course God also gives them a brain to think whether they should make lots of babies when they can't even afford to feed themselves. With the brain that God has bestowed upon them, they ought to know that extreme poverty can hurt children and should therefore prevent its damaging impact through various methods of birth control. The question is - why can't they use their brain efficiently to think how not to make babies when they can't afford to give them a decent life? However, when they need money, it seems that there is no need to obey God's commandments anymore and this is also the time they make the best use of their brains. With the brain that God has given them, they can think of many innovative techniques to steal or pick-pocket or even rob from others. They are also becoming more creative with credit card fraud. Why? Because God cannot stop them from making money if that is what they want to do. And of course, when they want to kill somebody, they don't need to obey God's commandments just because they want to do it and therefore must do it. Also, there is no reason why they can't have access to contraceptives when they can have easy access to methamphetamine hydrochloride and marijuana. Although the Catholic Church is against artificial contraception, most Catholics prefer to ignore its teachings about birth control. In the Philippines, contraceptives are legal and are easily available in pharmacies. However, drugs are illegal, more expensive and not as easily available as contraceptives but why is illegal drug use so prevalent in the Philippines? As what Jim Rohn says, "If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse." So, is it fair to blame the Catholic Church for the rapid population growth in the Philippines? Are the people really that obedient to the Church? Looks more like they are just doing what they want to do irrespective of what the teachings of the Church may be.

The more common crimes in the Philippines include kidnapping, human trafficking, prostitution, illegal drug trade, and domestic violence. And don't forget that their juvenile delinquents, including those as young as five years old, are already committing some of the most brazen crimes. Did the Catholic Church say that it is alright to commit such crimes? NO. But why are they still doing it? Because it is beyond the power of the Church to stop them from doing things that they want to do. And one more thing, they are particularly creative when it comes to sneaking into Malaysia illegally via Rat Lanes and have discovered many secret lanes for a safe journey to the country. Their brains also suddenly get so brilliant when they want to escape from the temporary detention centers in Malaysia while awaiting deportation. They are therefore not as ignorant as they seem to be and can really think creatively and innovatively when it comes to doing things they want to do. So, let's stop blaming the Catholic Church for the high population growth in the Philippines because the Church cannot control them. 

As we all know, there is a shortage of priests in the Catholic Church throughout the world and the Church is recruiting many young men to be priests. However, the sad truth is, even the Philippines with its overpopulation crisis is facing an acute shortage of priests. Why? Sad to say, their young men would rather live in the slums or on the streets and make babies instead of becoming priests. If the Filipinos are really so obedient to the Church, I am sure there would no shortage of priests in their country. What the Catholic Church needs now are real men who can become real priests and not baby makers as there are too many of them already. But why is it so difficult to find celibate priests who can live the life of Christ? Is making babies really that important? Sometimes, I do wonder how people can make so many babies in the slums and on the streets - I mean do they feel comfortable there? I don't know how they feel but I do feel sad each time I watch videos about their lives. Needless to say, if Catholic priests were allowed to marry, I am sure that all the baby makers who cannot afford to feed themselves and their families would queue up for this 'job' from Luzon to Davao City because they need money to feed their families. Thank God, these kinds of men will never become priests!

To those real men who can become real priests, why not join the priesthood and serve the Church. Life is certainly more meaningful as a priest than making babies in the slums or on the streets. I really pity the children - it is grossly unfair for them to grow up as slum dwellers or street children eating pagpag and watching their parents make babies every day and then repeat their parents' lifecycle when they grow up. Life is meaningless if one's life purpose is to make babies, eat pagpag, and live in destitution. My dear brothers in Christ, let's become real priests and change the world. Let's make this world a better place for everyone. The world needs you. When I saw the boys playing and living on the tombs (in the graveyard) in one of the videos about the Filipinos living with the dead, I was wondering how they could still look so cheerful. If I were one of them, I would have left home immediately to become a priest. I don't want to watch my parents make babies every day and live in an overcrowded space with so many family members. I don't want to eat pagpag every day. I don't want to grow up and make lots of babies and let them live in degrading conditions. I don't want the whole family to starve and suffer with me. I don't want to be a burden to the world. I would rather take up my cross and follow Jesus and live a real and meaningful life and help to ease the burden of the world. As for my dear sisters in Christ, is there any meaning in life if your purpose is to make babies after your first period right up to menopause in degrading conditions? What is the purpose of making babies in the slums and graveyards, on the streets, and under the bridge when you cannot afford to feed them? Why not emulate Mother Teresa and do something for the world? Remember what Jesus said? "I give you my word, there is no one who has given up home, brothers or sisters, mother or father, children or property, for me and for the gospel, who will not receive in this present age a hundred times as many homes, brothers and sisters, mothers, children and property - and in the age to come, everlasting life" (Mark 10:29). 

It should be noted that the Popes have never encouraged Roman Catholics to breed like rabbits, serve pagpag to their children and make them grow up without a proper shelter. As what Pope Francis said after his visit to the Philippines, "Parenthood is about being responsible" and, of course, being responsible means that parents should not have more children than they can afford to feed. Parents have the responsibility to give their children healthy food and not food from garbage dumps. They should not make them live in places that are unfit for human habitation. They must make sure that their children have the best education and help them to become responsible citizens. Since children learn their life lessons from observing what their parents do and their experiences in their environment, parents should provide good examples to their children, let them grow up in a decent environment, and give adequate attention to them. What will the children learn if they have to live in an overcrowded space with their family members and watch their parents make babies every day? What kind of skills will they learn if they cannot afford to attend school and have to master the art of street / slum survival? Will they be healthy eating pagpag as their meal of the day? Since the problems of overpopulation and poverty are the consequences of irresponsible sex and neglectful parenting, it's time for the baby makers to think whether they should breed like rabbits when they don't have a proper  place to live and can't even afford to feed themselves. Needless to say, reducing family sizes is the best thing that they can do for their families. Always remember this - Where there's a will there's a way. Instead of blaming the Catholic Church for overpopulation in the country, perhaps the relevant authorities should make the baby makers understand the meaning and importance of responsible parenthood.

You may also like to read From the Depths of Our Hearts: Priesthood, Celibacy, and the Crisis of the Catholic Church, Cardinal Robert Sarah: The Christian Priesthood Is in Mortal Danger, and SHOULD CATHOLIC PRIESTS BE ALLOWED TO MARRY? To view the content page of this blog, please click here.

References:
1.  Duterte blames Philippine Church for rapid population rise. Union of Catholic Asian News.

2.  Highest in 5 years: 13.1 million families considered themselves poor in Q4. CNN Philippines (dated 23 January 2020).

3.  Crime in the Philippines. Wikipedia.

4.  The Philippines' little delinquents, committing some of the most brazen crimes.

5.  Pope Francis: No Catholic need to breed like 'rabbits'. BBC News.

6.  The New American Bible. Thomas Nelson Publishers.

ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS A HUGE THREAT TO MALAYSIA'S CORONAVIRUS WAR

Indonesian illegal immigrants hiding in a banana plantation at Kampung Tawau Lama waiting for transport to go to their destinations after sneaking into the country by sea. The bad news is - Indonesia's Covid-19 cases have surpassed China (Source: Jabatan Imigresen Malaysia Facebook).

For months, since the implementation of the Movement Control Order (MCO) on 18 March 2020 until now, I dare not go shopping at all to avoid any risk of infection by the virus. For the first time in my life, I have never bought any clothes, shoes, handbags, watches, books, and artificial jewellery for months. I have really saved a lot of money during these months because apart from food, I have nothing else to buy. Prior to the MCO, I used to visit all the shops in Bukit Bintang area every weekend looking for things to buy but I have never been to this area since the MCO. I prefer not to go out and will avoid it whenever I can particularly because I feel very uncomfortable wearing a mask. As someone who loves shopping, life has been very miserable for me but being hopeful that the coronavirus crisis would come to pass one day does help to brighten up my day. When Malaysia's Covid-19 cases dropped to one on 1 July 2020, I thought that life would go back to normal again very soon. Yes, Malaysia has been very successful in battling Covid-19 and was winning the war.

However, the recent increase of new Covid-19 clusters involving illegal immigrants with more than 100 new cases per day is really scary. It seems that these unwelcome guests are still trying to sneak into the country in the midst of the pandemic bringing the virus with them thus creating new sources of infections. Needless to say, these illegal immigrants pose a serious health threat to Malaysia and have done a lot of damage already. The recent case of a detainee at the Tawau Temporary Detention Center in Sabah who sneaked into Sabah again via Rat Lanes on 5 September 2020 after being deported to the Philippines on 27 August 2020 raise concerns over Covid-19 infections involving undocumented migrants. His wife was tested positive for Covid-19 on 8 September 2020 and was hospitalized. Two of his close contacts were also tested positive for Covid-19 and that was how the 'Sea Cluster' started in Kunak, Sabah. Thus one can see how much damage an illegal immigrant can do to the country. With the highest number of Covid-19 cases in South-East Asia, the Philippines is the worst hit country in the region. The new strain, G614, found in the Philippines, is ten times more infectious than D614, the original strain from Wuhan. With so many unwelcome trouble-makers like him in Sabah, many new clusters have been formed and the Sabah travelers have brought the infections to Peninsular Malaysia. 

Thanks to our Malaysian Armed Forces, Royal Malaysia Police, Immigration Officers, Malaysian Maritime Enforcement Agency, Malaysian Civil Defence Force, Malaysian Border Security Agency, and the General Operations Force for their unrelenting efforts to tighten the country's border control and prevent the Covid-19 outbreak. These frontliners have been doing a great job and if not because of their tireless efforts to stop illegal immigrants from entering the country by sea and via Rat Lanes, the Covid-19 situation here would be much worse. The problem is there are still many illegal immigrants sneaking into Malaysia almost every day and every one of them can turn out to be a new source of Covid-19 infection. What's wrong with their countries? Why can't they stay in their own countries? Why is everyone coming to Malaysia? Is it because There Is Gold Everywhere in Malaysia? To date, millions of illegal immigrants have left their countries to look for an opportunity to succeed in Malaysia, something that is hard to find in their own countries. It seems that there are jobs waiting for the illegal immigrants in Malaysia even though many Malaysians have lost their jobs due to the coronavirus outbreak!

In this article, I would like to share some of the most recent "illegal entry" cases based on the information that I obtained from the Facebook of Jabatan Imigresen Malaysia (Immigration Department of Malaysia). These cases (dated from 1 August 2020 to 29 September 2020) clearly indicate that many illegal immigrants still risk their lives to get to Malaysia almost every day even though they know that they are not welcomed here. Why? Because they know that Malaysia  is the land of opportunity. Their predecessors have proven to them that anyone who comes here can become successful through hard work and determination. Since Malaysia is everyone's favored destination, it really deserves this reputation - the land of opportunity. 

Case 1 (27 September 2020)   
A 24-year-old female agent, 2 male agents aged 20 and 24, and 5 Thai men were arrested by the General Operations Force in Tumpat. The Thai nationals, aged 28 to 33, were on their way to Endau, Johor, to work as fishermen. According to Superintendent Azhari Nusi, their car was coming from the direction of Kampung Simpangan and heading towards Kampung Jubakar when they were asked to stop but they tried to flee and sped off. The officers then gave chase and arrrested them (Source: Ejen wanita, 2 tekong, 5 PATI ditahan).

Case 2 (25 September 2020)   
A 70-year-old taxi driver was arrested for trying to smuggle 3 Indonesian women (aged 37 to 40) into the country (Source: Warga emas, 3 PATI ditahan).

Case 3 (21 September 2020)   

Footsteps on the beach led to the discovery and arrest of 8 illegal immigrants from Indonesia (6 men and 2 women, aged 18-49) who disembarked on Desaru Beach, Johore (Source: Kesan tapak kaki bongkar PATI).

Case 4 (20 September 2020)   

The bodies of 6 illegal immigrants who were drowned while attempting to sneak into the country were found on Teluk C Beach near Bandar Penawar in Kota Tinggi, Johor (Source: 6 Mayat PATI Ditemui).

Case 5 (20 September 2020)   

2 Indonesian human trafficking agents (aged 50 and 59), 14 Indonesian men (aged 25 to 43) and 14 Indonesian women (aged 20 to 53) were arrested in Sabak Bernam by the General Operations Force while they were sneaking into the country (Source: Dua tekong darat dalang penyeludupan PATI ditahan).

Case 6 (19 September 2020)

An illegal Indonesian woman, aged 45, who was arrested by the General Operations Force at a shrimp pond area at Sungai Nipah, Simpang Lima, was tested positive for Covid-19. Also arrested were 12 Indonesian men and 12 Indonesian women aged 21 to 45, and 2 Bangladeshi men, aged 24 and 26. It was believed that they sneaked into the country by boat (Source: Seorang PATI dicekup PGA positif Covid-19).

Case 7 (19 September 2020)

A human trafficking agent and 5 illegal Thai nationals (1 man and 4 women), aged 19 to 44, was arrested by the General Operations Force at Salor, Kota Bharu. When asked to stop, the four-wheel drive sped off but were nabbed after a 17km car chase from Pangkalan Haram Jitong. According to Superintendent Azhari Nusi, the agent has been ordered to drive the illegal immigrants to Kota Bharu (Source: Tekong darat, lima PATI ditahan).

Case 8 (18 September 2020)    
4 illegal immigrants from Cambodia who sneaked into the country were on their way to Kota Bharu to work were when they were arrested by the General Operations Force near Pangkalan Haram Kampung Kebun, Pangkalan Kubor. A 65-year-old local man, who was driving them to their destination in his Proton Saga at a fee of RM100 per person, was also arrested (Source: Tekong, empat PATI warga Kemboja dicekup). 

Case 9 (17 September 2020)    
77 illegal Indonesians (53 men and 18 women aged 17 to 58, 2 children aged 1 and 3, a skipper and 3 crew) were arrested near Pulau Ketam while they were sneaking into the country by boat. Three of them tried to jump out of the boat but were caught. The boat was sailing from Tanjung Balai, Indonesia, to Port Klang (Source: 77 pendatang asing termasuk tekong, kru bot ditahan cuba menyusup masuk).

Case 10 (13 September 2020)   
20 illegal immigrants from Indonesia (13 men and 7 women, aged 24 to 40) were arrested by the General Operations Force at Sungai Nipah, Kampung Sungai Haji Dorani at Sungai Besar not long after they arrived by boat (Source: 20 PATI baru 'mendarat' dicekup).

Case 11 (9 September 2020)

The Malaysian Army arrested 13 illegal immigrants (8 men and 5 women, aged 20 to 54 years old) at Bandar Penawar, Kota Tinggi, who have been abandoned by their skipper and did not know how to swim ashore (Tekong 'cabut', PATI ditangkap). 

Case 12 (30 August 2020)   

13 Indonesian illegal immigrants (5 men, 5 women, and 3 boys, aged 7 to 58) who sneaked into Tawau early in the morning were arrested by the Marine Police Force at Kampung Hidayat Batu 4. At the time they were found, they were hiding on the potato farm - an illegal immigrant transit den (Source: Helah PATI tidak berjaya).

 

Case 13 (28 August 2020)   
11 Indonesian illegal immigrants (8 men, 2 women, and one child, aged 2 to 45) were hiding in a banana plantation at Kampung Tawau Lama when they were arrested by the Marine Police Force at 5.30 am. They sneaked into the plantation via Tawau sea border and were waiting for transport to go to their destinations. One of them had a passport but the other 10 did not have any documents (Source: PATI warga Indonesia sembunyi di kebun pisang ditahan).

Case 14 (24 August 2020)    
The Marine Operations Force arrested a 45-year-old illegal Indonesian man at a palm oil farm in Kampung Tinagat, Tawau, believed to be an illegal immigrant transit den, at midnight. However, the other illegals managed to escape into the nearby forest. A few hours later, 6 illegals (2 men and 3 women, aged 20-57, and a four-year-old child) were arrested at Jalan Batu Puyung while a 28-year-old local man was driving them to their destinations. All the illegals were undocumented and believed to have entered the country via Rat Lanes (Source: Penduduk tempatan jadi dalang seludup PATI). 

Case 15 (22 August 2020)    
A local woman, aged 33, was arrested at a roadblock for smuggling 3 undocumented Bangladeshi men (aged 30-36) from Kuala Lumpur to Keteri, Perlis, at a fee of RM450 (Source: Wanita tempatan jadi tekong darat). 

Case 16 (10 August 2020)    
A local man and 9 Thai men who sneaked into the country via Rat Lanes were arrested by the General Operations Force at Jalan Kampung Bagus, Rantau Panjang. At the time they were arrested, the local man was driving the Thai nationals to Selayang to work in his Toyota Alphard. The local man admitted that he was paid RM350 for each illegal immigrant and thus a total of RM3150 for this trip (Source: Tekong darat raih habuan RM350 bagi seorang PATI).

Case 17 (6 August 2020)

2 local men, human trafficking agents believed to be under the influence of drugs, and 6 illegals from Myanmar (2 men and 4 women), were arrested by the General Operations Force at Kampung Tok Bilal, Panyit, Machang. According to Superintendent Nor Azizan Yusof, they tried to flee and sped away in their Mitsubishi Pajero when the officers ordered them to stop at Kampung Bukit Tandak, Rantau Panjang. However, they were arrested after police car chase. The Myanmar nationals, believed to have sneaked into the country via Pangkalan Haram Sungai Golok, did not have any documents (Source: Cubaan seludup PATI gagal).

Case 18 (1 August 2020)   

4 Indonesian women (aged 27 to 37) were arrested by the General Operations Force at a palm oil farm at Taman Kenari, Sungai Sembilang, in Kuala Selangor for sneaking into the country illegally. They arrived here by boat and disembarked on Jeram Beach (Source: 'Kami mendarat di pantai Jeram' - PATI Indonesia). 

Can anyone imagine what will happen if all the illegal immigrants mentioned above manage to sneak into Malaysia bringing the coronavirus with them? OMG! Luckily they were arrested instead of moving around freely inside our country and transmitting Covid-19. Gone are the days when foreigners could come and go whenever they liked. Thanks to our Prime Minister, Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin, and our Minister of Defence, Dato' Sri Ismail Sabri bin Yaakob, for their continuing efforts to stop illegal immigration. 

Transmitting Covid-19 to another person is a serious crime particularly during the coronavirus pamdemic and it's time for heavier punishment to stem illegal immigration. In Singapore, the punishment for illegal immigrants and their agents are mandatory caning (not less than 3 strokes) and imprisonment. Perhaps, Malaysia should do the same too so that the illegals will not play 'hide-and-seek' with us again. Giving the illegals a free ride home is a waste of time and money as the deported illegals will sneak back to Malaysia again and again. Drastic action must be taken so that they will think twice before sneaking into the country. 

You may also like to read Should the illegal entry of the Rohingyas into Malaysia be encouraged? and The Rohingya Issue: Justice for Malaysia and Bangladesh. To view the content page of this blog, please click here.