Third party interference in a marriage is an issue which everyone prefers to ignore in the hope that it is not true and everything will be fine. Many women do not mind suffering in silence because they dare not confront their husbands for fear of losing them. They will rather keep one eye close as long as their husbands know the way home and have no intention to divorce them. This is because divorce can be very painful for a woman especially if she has given herself entirely to her husband and family.
Although I have never been married before, this does not prevent me from observing what is happening to other people's marriages. As a keen observer, I have come across many marriages that ended on the rocks due to third party interferences. The recent article dated 6 September 2020 entitled "Wanita Sarat Hamil Tanpa Si Suami," Diceraikan Talak 3 Demi Perempuan Lain (Husband Divorced Heavily Pregnant Wife for Another Woman) made me feel sad even though I did not know this woman. The other woman refused to leave her husband no matter what and her husband did not want to wait until the baby is born to divorce her. I hope that she will face the future bravely and find happiness one day. In this article, I would like to share three real life stories about marital infidelity that I have been observing for years, or to be exact, more than 20 years. The descriptions of the main characters in these stories have been slightly modified to conceal their real identities.
Case 1: Woman struggled to raise her children after being dumped by lover
Shirley used to be a very beautiful girl during her younger days but she was really unlucky to have fallen in love with Nick, a married man with 2 children. Nick told her that he no longer had any feelings for his estranged wife and promised to marry her 'one day' but little did she know that his 'one day' would mean 'never' (even an outsider like me could see that he was only taking advantage of her but at that time she was so blinded by his love that she would listen to no one). Believing that he would marry her one day, Shirley quit her job and went to live with him. She built many wonderful dreams of a blissful marriage life in the air while waiting for him to fulfil his empty promises. For 12 years, she waited for him to divorce his wife and marry her but all he could ever do was to make more empty promises. It seemed that the issue of divorce was entirely out of discussion. Nick was actually enjoying the companionship of both his wife and mistress. Shirley felt cheated but the arrivals of their sons left her without a choice but to continue living with him in the hope that his empty promises would come true one day but they never materialized. It wasn't easy for her to bear the criticisms of her neighbors, relatives, and friends but all she could ever do was to turn a deaf ear to them.
As the years went by, Nick's attitude towards her changed and they began to quarrel. Their heated arguments soon led to a complete estrangement between them. It was only then that Shirley began to realize that he wasn't the man for her and it was meaningless to live with him any longer. She left him and brought her two sons with her. It was not easy for her to start a new career at that age - if she did not quit her job and went to live with Nick, she could have better career prospects today and has probably married a decent man. No doubt, she has learnt a lesson after all but this lesson was far too expensive because she has given up her bright future for a worthless man. However, for the sake of her sons, she must learn to be independent and brave the storm.
On the other hand, Nick's wife has also learnt a very important lesson - keep one eye closed when your husband is fooling around as long as he knows how to come home. Needless to say, she was not happy with the presence of another woman in her husband's life for so many years but her patience and tolerance had helped her to win her husband back without the need of confrontation. Today, she does not have to share her husband with anyone anymore. At his age, Nick is a faithful husband and perfect family man who is enjoying the warmth of family love. Every cloud has a silver lining - it does not matter what her husband did to her anymore because they are going to have a blissful marriage life in the future. After Nick's extramarital affair, he would probably love and cherish his wife even more.
Case 2: Husband dumped wife for a woman 20 years younger
Not everyone is as lucky as Nick's wife because some men do not know their way home after fooling around and Zoey's husband, Kenny, is such a man. Both Zoey and her husband are successful entrepreneurs and they have 4 children. But, when Zoey first met her husband, he was only a poor man and since she had a rich father, she decided to help him set up his own business. Because of her care and concern for him, they soon fell in love and got married not long after that even though Zoey's parents did not really approve the marriage because they felt that their daughter was too good for her husband.
For 20 years, their marriage was a blissful one as there was no third party interference. But the presence of Selina changed everything. Selina was a young entrepreneur in her 20s who had business dealings with Kenny's company. The bad news for Zoey was these business dealings later transformed into a romantic relationship between Kenny and Selina. At 48, Kenny looked young for his age whilst his wife looked more like his mother. With 4 grown-up children, he probably wanted to look for some new excitement in his life and since Selina was young and beautiful, he couldn't find any reason why he shouldn't fall in love with her especially when the girl was already showing some interest in him.
So Kenny divorced his wife and married Selina. Together they started a new family and a very blissful one too. Too bad for Zoey, she still hasn't found her new love today. At her age, the chances of her finding true love are depressingly slim. What was Zoey's greatest mistake? She should have looked for tell-tale signs of her husband's affair before it was too late but she just trusted him too much until the situation got out of hand. Although she did not mind her husband keeping a secret mistress as long as he did not divorce her for the sake of the children, he could not keep his marriage vows anymore because Selina did not want to be his secret mistress. The young and beautiful Selina wanted to be legally married to Kenny and she did not like the idea of sharing her husband with Zoey.
Case 3: Husband dumped wife and old lover to marry his new lover
As the third party in an affair, Linda was not as lucky as Selina as her life has been completely destroyed by this affair even though Lucas' wife left him in the end. Linda and Lucas worked in the same company. At the time they first met, Lucas was already married with 2 children. Despite of his affair with Linda, Lucas was still very much in love with his wife and he was a responsible father. However, he kept assuring Linda that he would divorce his wife and marry her and this went on for many years. Known as the 'third party' and marriage wrecker, Linda did not have a very good reputation but she endured all criticisms because of her love for this man.
Lucas' wife finally couldn't stand her husband anymore and divorced him. She left for another country with their 2 children and since then Lucas has never heard from them again. Linda, who was pregnant, was very happy because Lucas has finally decided to marry her. However, her happiness did not last long because Lucas fell in love with another girl, in her early 20s, while on a business trip abroad. This beautiful young lady was the daughter of a rich man and it seemed that she was the best choice for him at that time. Why? Linda was already in her mid 30s and she was not as rich as this young lady. Could she blame Lucas for dumping her? What has he done? He only wanted to have the best of everything for himself. When news of his marriage reached Linda, she was so devastated that she had a miscarriage. Today, Linda is still single as she no longer has any confidence in any relationship.
Conclusion
Based on the cases above, one cannot deny the fact that the secret to get a man hooked is to be his ideal woman and the best among the best. Being a woman is therefore not easy as there is always the possibility that she may have to compete with another woman for her husband's love. And of course her husband will choose the better one between the two of them. In Case 1, Nick did not wish to divorce his wife because there wasn't much difference between his wife and mistress as they belonged to the same kind - both were housewives of around the same age. What's the purpose of getting rid of one woman and then marrying another woman who is more or less similar to the first wife? Isn't it better to enjoy the best of both worlds? As for Case 2, Kenny's decision to leave his wife for a woman 20 years younger may not be unreasonable, or at least that was how he felt. His first wife looked much older than him as she did not age well and was getting old and unattractive. Given a choice, he would surely choose a younger and more beautiful wife. In Case 3, Lucas let his first wife decide what she wanted with their marriage as it was difficult for him to choose between two women of the same kind - both were beautiful career women of about the same age. However, when a much younger, richer, and more beautiful woman came into his life, he realized that she was the one he was looking for and immediately married her.
As I am writing this article, I couldn't help feeling how fortunate I am because I don't have to compete with other women for a man's love. OMG, that's really stressful. I only want to be myself and live a happy and carefree life doing the things I like to do each day. I don't want to be a jilted wife. I don't want to shed tears for a worthless man. I don't want to be a single mother and bring up the children alone. I only want to enjoy life and be happy. I have always been very happy being single that I don't understand why so many women are hopelessly searching for love. Even single, widowed, and divorced women in their late 60s and 70s are busy seeking love. Some have fallen in love with romance scammers and lost their life savings in the name of love. One of my former colleagues always calls me to complain about this retired teacher, still single in her 70s, behaving like a teenager who is so obsessed with the opposite sex. And she doesn't know that everyone is laughing at her behind her back! Is marriage so important that women cannot live without it? Does marriage really bring happiness? Given the fact that divorce and extramarital affairs are so common nowadays, I dare say that life is more meaningful if we live happily for ourselves instead of just living to please a man. I will never let a man walk into my life and make me sad. I will never let my life be contaminated by a worthless man. I only want to be the pure and perfect bride of Christ.
Divorce brings heartache, pain, and misery - those affected have no choice but to move on. That's life. Of course a better way to look into a relationship is to study the palm as it can foretell the problems in a relationship. A broken marriage line is an indication of divorce or separation due to third party interference. A marriage line which forks at the end is an indication of one's carelessness in the relationship and for being so naive as not to know what is going on in the marriage until everything becomes too late. An island on the marriage line is also a bad omen as it indicates a troubled marriage. Perhaps early problem detection can help to save a marriage.
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