How Long Should a Widower Wait to Remarry After the Death of His Wife?

Seashell love birds which symbolize love and commitment according to Chinese Feng Shui

As I was tidying up my old photo albums and looking at the old photos, I did not know why I suddenly started thinking of my beautiful cousin sister, Alice (not her real name), and the days we spent together when we were kids. Well, I really miss those good old school holidays when we used to play with paper dolls and our plastic cookware sets. The last time I saw her was the day when she sent me to the bus station after I visited her in another state. Since then, both of us have been very busy with our work and studies and we never met again. A few years from then, I was shocked when I got news of her death - she died in an accident on the day she went to get her graduation gown. At that instant, I really could not believe what I heard and memories of her came flooding back. She was a very ambitious woman and studied so hard for her degree. She even delayed motherhood for a few years until she has completed her studies. But when that day finally came, she left us so suddenly. Sometimes I do wonder where she is and what is happening to her. Is she in heaven or if reincarnation does happen, is she reborn in another body?

Alice is the kind of woman who always puts her husband first. When she married Andy (not his real name), there was no wedding reception on the groom's side even though Alice's mother held a grand wedding banquet for her. But, of course, Alice did not mind as she loved her husband very much. She even offered to pay for the Government housing loan via monthly salary deduction as she did not want her husband to be burdened with it - that was what she told me. When Alice died in the accident, apart from the lump sum insurance payout, Andy also automatically inherited the house without having to pay for anything as the loan balance was paid by insurance. It was a brand new house but Alice would never get the chance to stay there. She has not yet moved to her dream house.

Alice did not have an easy childhood because my uncle was a poor man. During her student days, she had to give tuition and work at a shoe shop to earn some pocket money. I felt very sad for Alice because after all her hard work, she died at such a young age when her life was just beginning to change for the better. There were so many things that she planned to do but she would not get the chance to do them now. However, I felt even sadder when I heard that her husband remarried and had a baby in less than two years after her death. No doubt their marriage ended the moment Alice died and Andy was free to remarry but he should at least wait for three years before remarrying. Why three years? To show some respect for his deceased wife. Of course there is no right or wrong amount of time to remarry but what was the hurry? He was still very young then and surely three years were nothing compared to what Alice has done for him! If he could not even wait for three years and was in a hurry to remarry, I dare say that their marriage was worthless and meaningless. I wonder how he could fill his mind with thoughts of another woman so soon after his wife's death. He should feel sad because he has lost a good wife instead of enjoying a romantic relationship with another woman. Was it because he did not love her enough? Or was there someone else already waiting for him? He is a very handsome man and since there are very few male teachers in the schools, I wouldn't be surprised if he has lots of secret admirers.

Can Andy mourn for his wife while being in love with another woman at the same time? Sounds ridiculous to me because these two women can never co-exist in his heart. How can a man love two women at the same time? When it comes to love, it is either one or the other but not both as a man who says  that he loves his deceased wife and second wife equally is inviting trouble. We cannot deny the fact that women are jealous by nature and even though Alice is dead, Andy's new wife would never be able to share her husband with another woman irrespective of whether she is alive or dead. How would she feel if Andy keeps thinking of Alice  and keeps looking at her photos from time to time? What would she do if Andy keeps talking about Alice and telling her much he misses his dead wife? Can his new wife tolerate his love for his first wife with a smile on her face saying that she does not mind? Can he mourn her for eternity? Can his love for her remain strong even after her death? To avoid trouble and arguments, the best thing to do is not to mention his first wife again because she is already the past tense or there would never be peace in the household. That is the truth of it. Try asking around and the conclusion is nobody likes her husband to keep the things that belonged to his dead wife or even talk about her - as though someone who is dead is gone with the wind.

Is it really that difficult to wait for three years before remarrying after the death of a beloved wife? My godfather remarried almost immediately after my godmother died when he was already in his seventies. So what does his 50 years of marriage to my godmother mean to him? Why was she so easily replaceable by another woman? Marriage was her everything but it seemed to have ended completely the moment she died. What was she living for all her life? Was it worth living for a man who could simply replace her with another woman? Being a very active person, my godfather used to participate in different kinds of activities which provided him with lots of opportunities to meet single, divorced, and widowed women. My godmother once told me that he had some lady friends and he always behaved in a gentlemanly way in front of them even though he did not normally behave like that. Needless to say, if one of these ladies has targeted him and asked for his hand in marriage, it was not easy for him to say 'no' to her particularly when they have known each other and have been good friends for many years. However, he died not long after his second marriage.

For most people, love and marriage are essential aspects of their lives and they would find their lives meaningless without being attached to someone. I have come across many women who always say that marriage is their everything. But does life have meaning if you live just for that one person who forgets about you and moves on with someone else as soon as you're gone? Does true love mean eternal love? Most people would say 'yes'. Does eternal love really exist? What have we learnt from Alice and my godmother? Love is not forever. If marriage isn't forever, is it worthwhile? If you can find someone who wants to marry you, go ahead and get married. If you cannot find a life partner, do not go all the way out and disgrace yourself just to get one. Sad to say, many women and grandmothers and even great-grandmothers are busy looking for love online and making themselves victims of romance scammers. Some of them are so desperate that they don't mind buying love with money. Life is certainly more than that. DO NOT sit and mourn all day long just because you do not have a man in your life and NEVER spend all your time desperately looking for a man because, who knows, he may bring you more pain than joy. There are many things that you can do to make yourself happy such as baking a chocolate cake,  buying yourself a new pair of shoes, visiting your favorite countries, or simply going for an evening walk whilst enjoying the beauty of nature. Reach out to help the poor. Remember Mother Teresa? She is not married but she would never be forgotten and would always be the most loved and most talked about woman long after she has died. And of course she lived a meaningful life!

If you were to ask me whether remarriage after spousal death is the right thing to do, my answer is a big NO. Marriage does not end with the death of a spouse - it goes on forever and contnues in heaven. As what Jesus says to Simon Peter, "Whatever you declare bound on earth shall be bound in heaven" (Matthew 16:19). Since marriages take place in Church, they should last eternally beyond death and go on forever in heaven. Death is just a temporary parting period and couples who believe in the eternity of marriage would eventually meet each other again in heaven and live happily ever after. This is the kind of marriage that is worth more than all the treasure in this world - it brings meaning to life.

You may also like to read Will your husband divorce you and marry his lover?; THE LINES OF MARRIAGE AND HOW THEY AFFECT YOUR LOVE LIFE; Is Marriage Really Necessary and Important in Today's World?; and MARRIAGE AFTER 50: WHAT DO YOU NEED TO CONSIDER? To view the content page of this blog, please click here.

The Nativity Museum in Lourdes

Those who have been to Lourdes would probably still remember the Musee de la Nativite or Museum of the Nativity (Nativity Museum) as there were lots of things to see in this beautiful museum. Located at 21 Quai Saint Jean, 65100 Lourdes, the Nativity Museum was devoted to one of the most popular themes in Christianity, namely the birth of Jesus. Visitors to this museum were always busy taking photos because there were so many photos to take. It was an extremely interesting museum with so much to learn that being there for just one day would not be enough.

My tour of the museum began with the biblical scenes depicting the life of Jesus from the annunciation, visitation, the birth of Jesus, and the flight into Egypt to the finding in the temple. These scenes from the life of Jesus, as told by the New Testament, were beautifullly illustrated and displayed in the museum through a series of fourteen tableaux.

The Annunciation

In a dream, an angel appeared to Joseph to convince him that he should trust Mary

The Nativity of Jesus Christ

On the way to Bethlehem

The Flight into Egypt

The Finding in the Temple

Want to know what life was like in Palestine during the days when Jesus walked on earth? The Nativity Museum provided some good answers to this question through its scale model, a physical representation portraying the Jewish Palestine in the time of Jesus. It should be noted that during the days of Jesus, Palestine was part of the Roman Empire. During those days, Jewish Palestine was ruled by Herod the Great.

Life in Palestine as Jesus would have known it

Palestine in the time of Jesus

Workers and trades in the time of Jesus

How people made a living in Biblical times

Occupations and trades in Jesus' time

Life in Biblical Times

On the ground floor, there were a number of animated diorama automatons illustrating the daily lives of the inhabitants of the Pyrenees in the 19th Century. These realistic scenes of the Pyrenees could really take us back to the past. That was what Lourdes was like during the apparitions.

How the inhabitants of the Pyrenees made a living in the 19th Century

The Pyrenees at the time of the apparitions

Occupations and trades in the Pyrenees during the 19th Century

Life in the Pyrenees in the 19th Century

The Pyrenees in the 19th Century

Trades in the Pyrenees in the 19th Century 

My visit to the Nativity Museum ended with two beautiful life-size Biblical scenes, namely, the Nativity of Jesus and the Flight into Egypt.

The Nativity of Jesus Christ

The Flight into Egypt

It was a great privilege to visit the Nativity Museum because it was so unique and interesting with so much to see and learn. It has always been one of my favorite museums. However, I was shocked to learn that the museum has been closed permanently when I visited its website recently after reading the article entitled One in 8 museums may permanently close due to the pandemic - Insider.

Permanently closed? I can't believe it.

I do not know for what reason it shut down but I hope that it would reopen again one day. What is left now are the photos that I took in this museum and I am writing this article to tell the whole world that this beautiful museum once existed and will always live in our hearts. And I am also looking forward to its reopening in the future. Lastly, let us pray that the coronavirus pandemic would be over soon and everything would go back to normal again.

To find out more about the numerous museums in Lourdes, please read The Museum of Lourdes. To view the content page of this blog, please click here. There is a complete list of my articles about Lourdes on this page.

THE MUSEUM OF LOURDES

Lourdes is well-known for its numerous museums. These include the Cachot, Musée de Lourdes (Museum of Lourdes), Museum of Saint Bernadette, Nativity Museum, Castle Fort Pyrenean Museum, Petit Lourdes Museum, Musee de Cire Lourdes, Grevin Museum, Gemmail Museum, Moulin Lacade - Maison Paternelle de Sainte Bernadette (Lacade Mill), Moulin de Boly - Maison Natale de Bernadette (Boly Mill) and The Way of the Cross.

Located at 11 rue de  l'égalité, 65100 Lourdes, Musee de Lourdes or the Museum of Lourdes (Lourdes Museum) delved into the history of Lourdes and has provided a good presentation of 19th Century everyday life in Lourdes. In this treasure house of great knowledge, visitors could travel back in time to the past and discover how the modest country-town of Lourdes looked like during the time of the apparitions when Bernadette Soubirous was only fourteen years old. They could also see the traditional skills and crafts, the ancestral trades and occupations, the old streets of Lourdes with the old shops and houses, as well as the clothing style and the lifestyle in Lourdes during that era. Needless to say, the Lourdes Museum was an ideal place to learn about the history, civilization, beliefs, morals, art and architecture of ancient Lourdes. The life-size reconstruction of this little French town has enabled the visitors to gain valuable insights into the social, cultural, economic, political and religious practices of the inhabitants of this miraculous place more than 150 years ago.

I love Lourdes and I love the Lourdes Museum with its vivid illustrations of old Lourdes just the way it was in the time of Bernadette back in 1858. Being in the museum was like a real encounter with what life was in Lourdes during a forgone era. At that instant, I couldn't help placing myself in the shoes of Bernadette and imagining what my life would be like in a different era. It was indeed a very informative museum filled with local knowledge that could make history come alive for the visitors. Needless to say, knowing the history and culture of Lourdes made me appreciate this place even more. In a way, learning about the history and culture of Lourdes has not only brought me closer to this place but also to God. Why? Lourdes rose to prominence because of the apparitions in 1858 and I found it very meaningful to experience what life was like during the apparitions as though I was a part of it albeit for a short while. That kind of experience was like an encounter with God. As I reflected on my own life, I also found peace and tranquility in my heart and soul.

In this article, I would like to share some of the photos which I took in the Lourdes Museum during my visit to this memorable place. Every photo tells a unique story and provides rich insights into the history of Lourdes. They are proof that the Museum of Lourdes was one of the best museums in Lourdes.

A Bigourdan basketmaker

 Women in Nineteenth-Century Lourdes

The baker's oven

Blacksmiths at work

A Bigourdan cabinetmaker

An old village scene in Lourdes

The poor shepherdess, Bernadette Soubirous

The Grotto of Massabielle

The Lourdes Museum was an excellent place for pilgrims and was really worth visiting. Visiting the museum was a great way to find the old Lourdes that has become history. Although some museums may close permanently due to the coronavirus pandemic, I pray that the Lourdes Museum would survive these hard times and continue to be with us forever.

Permanently closed? Hope it's not true.

Thanks for reading. If you like this article, you may also like the other articles about Lourdes. You can find a complete list of these articles here.