THE MYSTIQUE OF LOVE AND MARRIAGE

Traditional Chinese wedding dolls 

Then Paul stood in the meeting of the Areopagus and said, "Men of Athens, I perceive that in all things you are too superstitious. As I walked around looking carefully at your shrines, I found an altar with this inscription, 'To a God Unknown'. So you are worshiping in ignorance and this is what I am going to make known to you" (Acts 17:22-23).

Since love, courtship and marriage are important events in human life, so important that our women would sacrifice everything to find a lover, the desire to know the future, especially among young girls, has been an urgent need since time immemorial (If you are interested in palmistry, please click here to find out how the lines of marriage can affect your love life). Due to the passionate nature of love itself, it is nothing surprising why many young girls, especially teenage girls, want to know how and where to find a boyfriend and who their future husband would be. This is perhaps the reason why the superstitions about love and marriage continue from one generation to another even though they may sound ridiculous, weird or even spooky. 

I will begin with the apple since it has always had an essential role to play in love probably because it is the forbidden fruit that caused the fall of Adam and Eve. When I was fourteen, my girlfriends believed that if they peel the skin of an apple in a long continuous strip in front of the mirror at midnight, they would be able to see the image of their future soul mate in the mirror. If it breaks, according to them, their future soul mate would die. One of my classmates tried out this method and reported that she did see the face of someone in the mirror. She encouraged me to try out this method but at that time I was worried that I would kill someone should the apple skin break and chose not to do so.

Many generations of young girls have peeled the skin of an apple in a continuous piece and tossed it over their left shoulder in the belief that it will fall in the shape of a letter showing the first letter of their true love's Christian name. If it breaks, it is an omen that they would end up as old maids. A girl who wants to know how much her boyfriend loves her would drop a pip from an apple she has eaten on to the fire whilst whispering his name softly. If it goes off with a cracking sound, then it is an indication that he is head over heels in love with her. 

One of the simplest and most popular of all love rituals is The Daisy Oracle (He loves me, He loves me not) which goes all the way back to medieval times. Just get a daisy and pluck off its petals saying "He loves me" with the first petal and "He loves me not" for the next petal. This is repeated until the last petal and what is said predicts whether there is love or no love. In America, it is believed that if a young girl holds a mirror over a well, the face of her future spouse will be reflected in it. In Britain, however, it is believed that a young girl who sleeps with a mirror under her pillow will dream of her future spouse. Similarly, she will dream of her future spouse if she sleeps with daisies or a piece of wedding cake under her pillow. 

It is also believed that if a young girl goes to a churchyard at midnight and walks around it twelve times, the ghostly shape of her future husband will appear. According to Hungarian folklore, if a single woman picks twelve sage leaves in the garden at midnight and holds them to her heart, the shadowy form of her future husband will appear on the other side of the garden. If she picks twelve sage leaves at midday on 25 April (The Feast of St. Mark) or at midnight on Midsummer's Eve, the first unmarried man who comes along will be her husband. 

One of the most appealing superstitious beliefs suggests that once a girl has set her heart on a man, she should pick two long-stemmed roses, naming one for herself and one for her dream man, twine the stems together, and repeat these words before going to bed:

Twine, twine and intertwine,

Let my love be wholly mine;

If his heart be kind and true,

Deeper grow the rose's hue.

And the rose is expected to turn darker in color should her wishes come true. In America, there is a simpler way to make your boyfriend love you - just wink at the biggest star that you can find before you go to sleep. An alternative way is to voodoo him to fall in love with you since a voodoo love spell is a powerful love spell that works almost instantly but, of course, this is very unethical. What will happen if the spell is broken? 

If a woman desperately wants to keep her man, it is not uncommon for her to use black magic on him. In this aspect, the Miao people, a minority ethnic group living in Southern China, are well-known for their black magic and witchcraft. Also known as "gu", it is a concentrated poison taken from five poisonous creatures; the scorpion, centipede, venomous snake, spider, and toad. Travelers to this region who have been seduced by the Miao women would have unknowingly taken meals laced with this powerful poison and if they return to their lovers within the time they have promised, they would be given an antidote. If they do not intend to keep their promises, they would die of "gu" poisoning. Since this deadly poison is tasteless and does not act immediately, its victims can live their normal lives before they begin to feel sick. Once they begin to feel sick, the poison would destroy them from within and they cannot escape death without the antidote.

If the "gu" is too deadly, there is probably an easier way to keep your man. I remember watching a Chinese documentary about ghosts and superstitions some years back. In one of its episodes, the "master" talked about an artiste who was living with his girlfriend and he was shocked when he found out that his girlfriend has been collecting his pubic hair and keeping it in the belief that he would belong to her forever if she keeps his pubic hair.

The kiss, which is the symbol of love, is also surrounded by various superstitions. Being kissed by someone who leans over your shoulder is believed to be unlucky as it is common sense that anything performed from behind makes you vulnerable to attack. It is a bad omen to kiss someone on the nose as superstition claims that this will cause a quarrel. The 'love bite' is also believed to be a bad omen because it is often associated with vampires and may cause a couple to break up.

Even love letters are not exempted from superstitious beliefs as indicated in the following examples. Superstition says that if your hand trembles while you are writing the letter, your lover has a strong affection for you. Making a blot while you are at work indicates that your lover is thinking of you at that particular moment. Never post a love letter on a Sunday (you will quarrel with your lover if you do) and never send an insufficiently stamped letter. If two different admirers send you a letter in the same post, it is an indication that you are never going to marry either of them. Lastly, burning love letters is considered a very bad omen so always tear your love letters instead of burning them if you don't want to lead a miserable life.

As for engagement rings, superstition claims that there are precious stones most appropriate for the month you get engaged. The garnet which symbolizes commitment in love is the birthstone for January, the amethyst which symbolizes spirituality, integrity, and purity of heart is the birthstone for February, and the bloodstone which is known as a stone of courage is March's birthstone. The diamond which symbolizes eternal love is the birthstone for April while the birthstone of May is the emerald which symbolizes a happy and successful marriage. The agate symbolizing health and long life is for June; the carnelian symbolizing a contented mind is for July; the sardonyx symbolizing courage, happiness, and clear communication is for August; for September, the sapphire, symbolizing fidelity and integrity; for October, the opal symbolizing faithfulness, confidence, and creativity; for November, the topaz symbolizing love and fidelity; for December, the turquoise which is a symbol of love.

To propose to your lover on a train, bus or in any public place is considered unlucky and if a man encounters a snake on his way to propose he should postpone his proposal because or it will bring bad luck. If he is being interrupted by another woman when proposing, this woman will become his second wife some day. It is better off for a man to stay single if he is refused three times as he would be happier being a bachelor. Superstition also explains that anyone who receives a marriage proposal at a dance but rejected it will have a lot of bad luck. And of course, a woman should never propose to a man as there is an old belief which says that a woman who is so eager to get married and ended up proposing to a man will end up begging for bread.

The maid who asks a man to wed,

Will come to want and beg for bread.

The belief that May is an inauspicious month for weddings and June an auspicious one originated with the Romans. The old superstition which says, "Marry in May, rue the day" has been around since the days of ancient Rome. The month of May was named after Maia, a reclusive Goddess who dwelt alone in wild caves far from civilization and is therefore an unsuitable deity for lovers. To be safe, avoid the month of May, especially the 13th. June, however, was named after the much loved and fiercely loyal wife of Jupiter, Juno, the Roman Goddess of marriage and childbirth. For the Chinese, August is a lucky month in which to get married and this is particularly true if the wedding date is on the 8th of August because 8 is a lucky number for wedding. The Chinese, however, would avoid the ghost months, March (tomb-sweeping Ching Ming Festival), July (Hungry Ghost Festival), and October (ancestor memorials Chung Yeung Festival) as these are inauspicious for wedding. As for the days of the week to wed, Monday is believed to be good for wealth, Tuesday for health, Wednesday the best day of all, Thursday for losses, Friday for crosses, and Saturday which the most popular day to marry is the unluckiest day. 

What would you give as wedding gifts? Never give the couple a knife set as a wedding gift even though they love to cook because knives cut things in two - this is bad luck as the knife set signifies a broken relationship. Like the knife set, scissors are also a bad wedding gift. In Chinese 'giving clock' means 'attending a funeral ceremony' and therefore it is bad luck to give a clock as a wedding gift as it means "the end." Giving a mirror is a sign of bad luck because, according to a superstition which originated in Ancient Rome, breaking a mirror brings seven years of bad luck. 

According to folklore, the bridesmaid who catches the bride's bouquet will be the next to marry but if she stumbles on the way to the altar, it is likely that she would never marry at all. Never let another woman try on your engagement ring as she will steal the heart of your husband and your wedding will never take place. Superstition also makes it very gloomy for the couple should they drop the wedding ring during the wedding ceremony. If the bride or groom drops the ring during the wedding ceremony, whoever drops it will die first. Should the wedding ring roll off the altar steps, the marriage would come to an abrupt end. If the wedding ring breaks, the marriage would come to an end through the loss of a husband. Never wear your wedding ring before your wedding ceremony as this would bring bad luck. And never take off your wedding ring after it has been slipped on your finger as this would also bring bad luck.

Like humans, ghosts also want to get married. The Chinese ghost marriage in which one or both parties have died, is a 3000-year-old tradition and is still practised in rural China. This kind of marriage is arranged by the family of the deceased as it is believed that a single man who dies will give his family members problems unless they find him a wife. Therefore, if the deceased did not get married when they were alive, they would have to get married after their death. If a living girl marries a dead man, which normally happens if the groom's family is super rich, she will live a chaste life and become the caregiver of the family. A ghost marriage is very similar to a normal marriage as it observes many of the typical marriage ceremony and rites but since one or more parties are dead, the deceased are represented by paper effigies (over a bamboo frame) wearing wedding clothes. Their wedding chamber is decorated with paper effigies of the furniture that they need to use in their new home such as a dressing table, bed, refrigerator, television, computer, table, chairs, mobile phones, and even paper servants. The deceased are treated as though they are alive as they participate in the proceedings. Once the wedding ceremony has been completed, the paper effigies are burnt so that these could be sent to another world. It is believed that these afterlife marriages would enable the deceased to live a happy married life in their new world - a happily ever afterlife. It should be noted that China is not the only country practising ghost marriage as other countries such as France, India, and Sudan also have their own forms of ghost marriage.

Thanks for reading. You may also like to read Is Marriage Really Necessary and Important in Today's World? and How Long Should a Widower Wait to Remarry After the Death of His Wife? To view the content page of this blog, please click here.


Reference:
1.  SUPERSTITIONS BY PETER HAINING. TREASURE PRESS.