MEDJUGORJE'S IMPACT ON MY LIFE

Our Lady of Medjugorje

The day before I left for Medjugorje, I went to Pasaraya Ocean to buy a torchlight. What would I do with the torchlight in Medjugorje? That was because I intended to climb Mount Krizevac early in the morning on my birthday. That was also my last day in Medjugorje. I knew that if I wanted to climb Mount Krizevac on my birthday, I had to do it in the wee hours of the morning because I had to leave for Sarajevo Airport latest at 8.00 am if I did not want to miss my flight. Sad to say, I did not manage to climb Mount Krizevac that day. It was too cold for me. Frankly speaking, I am very clumsy whenever it comes to doing outdoor activities and I knew that the rocks on the mountain (Mount Krizevac is very rocky) would be very slippery in the morning and I wouldn't be able to make it. Anyway, despite my clumsiness, I managed to climb Mount Krizevac twice during my stay in Medjugorje. Come to think of it, Father Slavko Barbaric used to climb Mount Krizevac every morning at sunrise because he loves Our Lady. Our Lady has said that She prays at the foot of the Krizevac Cross at 5.00 a.m. every morning and Father Slavko wanted to join Her in prayer every morning. Yet, there are people who say that he is a disobedient Franciscan. Surely, this isn't fair for him. Try climbing Mount Krizevac at sunrise and see how it is like!

Well, that was probably the saddest birthday I ever had because that was the day I left Medjugorje. Now, three years later, I still miss this place very much. Since the day I left Medjugorje, there isn't a single day in my life that I do not think of this place. In fact, I am trying to relive my Medjugorje experiences every day of my life.

So what did I do after I returned to Malaysia? Well, when I got off the plane at KLIA, I wasn't very happy at the idea that I was no longer in Medjugorje. The first thing I did when I got home was to decorate my room with the souvenirs that I brought home with me from Medjugorje. I wanted to create the Medjugorje atmosphere in my room so that each time I join the Medjugorje Evening Prayer Programme online, I could feel that I am still I am in Medjugorje.

For weeks, I felt homesick (as though Medjugorje was my home) and found it very difficult to adjust to my life back here in Malaysia. I immediately wrote to the University of Sarajevo to inquire about the PhD programs of this university. All that I ever wanted to do then was to be as near to Medjugorje as possible. But circumstances did not allow that. So, instead of proceeding with my PhD program, I spent all my time praying and reading the books that I brought home with me from Medjugorje. I just did not want to do anything else. Since I came back from Medjugorje, I have been saying the Croatian rosary. As though the few Croatian words that I learnt in Medjugorje wasn't enough, I started learning the Croatian language. I wanted to go beyond words like molim (please), hvala (thanks), dobro jutro (good morning), dobar dan (good afternoon), danas (today), laku noc (good night), and kako ste (how are you) because they were too simple. In Medjugorje, I have learnt lots of Croatian phrases like Majko Mira moli za nas; Hvala Ti moj Isuse; Uvijek hvaljen; Majko Bozja moli za nas; Bog vas blagoslovio; Hvala Ti Majko Nasa; Hvaljen Isus i Marija; Isuse, uzdam se u Te; Draga Majko moli za nas;  Majko Kristova moli za nas; Slava Bogu; and Isuse smiluj nam se. But that wasn't enough. So I bought Collins' Croatian phrasebook that came with a CD and did self-study. This provided me with the basics of the language. I then proceeded to learn more about the language on my own including Croatian grammar. Why did I choose to learn Croatian grammar as well? Learning a language without knowing its grammar can be very confusing. For instance, what is the difference between 'moj', 'moja' and 'moje' in these three sentences when these three words mean 'my' in English? 1. Moj hotel je tamo (My hotel is there). 2. Moja torba je ovdje (My bag is here). 3. Moje selo je malo (My village is small). Croatian nouns are divided into 3 genders - masculine, feminine and neuter gender. The usage of these words depends on the gender and number of the nouns they modify. To date, I have learnt quite a number of Croatian words, phrases and sentences. I am also quite familiar with Croatian grammar. To me, Croatian is a very beautiful language. However, learning Croatian isn't as easy as French due to the lack of reference books.

For six months, that was what I did. Then my priest friend suggested that I should go to Lourdes the following year. The year 2008 was the 150th anniversary of the apparitions in Lourdes. I immediately agreed. I thought that maybe I could go over to Medjugorje if I had the time. The next few months, I was busy preparing for my pilgrimage to Lourdes. On 15 March 2008, I consecrated my virginity to the Lord - a promise I made right in front of the Krizevac Cross. I was very excited because it was like I going for my honeymoon to Lourdes with the Lord in the following May. The year 2008 was indeed a beautiful year for me!

I spent two weeks of my school holidays in Lourdes. There were so many things to do there that I couldn't find the time to go over to Medjugorje. In my heart, I wished I could visit Medjugorje that year. because there were so many things that I wanted to buy in Medjugorje. I did ask myself the question - If I had not been to Medjugorje, would I go to Lourdes? Probably not. Why not? Well, in Medjugorje I learnt to live a religious life. I discovered my real vocation and my real self. Prayer life suddenly became very important to me. And of course the presence of the Lord and His Blessed Mother had since become very important to me. At that time, I couldn't help feeling that they wanted me to be with them in Lourdes and that was why I decided to go there to experience the holiness of this place. If I have never been to Medjugorje, I would probably never ask myself what the Lord and the Blessed Mother want me to do. 

After my visit to Lourdes, I spent the next eight months praying and learning French. I began to say my rosary prayers in French and Croatian. I went to Kinokuniya Bookstore and bought all the French books that I could get hold of. I actually spent more than RM2000 on the French books alone. As I was learning French, I began to fall in love with this beautiful language. Then, I realized that it was time to go back to reality. There are so many things left undone in my life. I have to proceed with my PhD program. I have to write my thesis proposal and I have to do a lot of reading before I can start writing the proposal. I actually do not like the idea of doing a PhD because I know that it will interfere with my prayer life and deprive me of my time with the Lord. Once I start wriitng my PhD thesis, I cannot give all my time to Him anymore. But then, Father Slavko Barbaric has a PhD. Pope Benedict XVI has a PhD. Never mind, this is the last thing I will do before I give all my time to Jesus. Let's look at it this way. Maybe I should equip myself with better knowledge so that I can serve Him better. To be the perfect bride of Christ, I must get a PhD. Since I came back from Medjugorje, I couldn't help feeling that my life does not belong to me anymore. But let me make myself a better person before I live the rest of my life for the Lord.

What is my greatest regret now? If only I had been to Medjugorje before the year 2000, I would get the chance to meet Father Slavko Barbaric and help him with his work. What would I really like to do now? Life would be perfect if only I could spend the rest of my life in Medjugorje and in Lourdes. That's why I have to learn Croatian and French. No one knows what may happen in the future. But one thing is for sure. I have to rewrite the story of my life because I went to Medjugorje. The way I perceive life is different now and because of that my plans for the future would be different too. 

Thanks for reading. You may also like to read ARE THE MEDJUGORJE APPARITIONS AUTHENTIC? and IN MEDJUGORJE I FOUND THE MEANING OF EXISTENCE. To view the content page of this blog, please click here.